tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21901237002533108272024-03-13T11:08:11.142-04:00Lies, Deceit, and StuffLies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.comBlogger83125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-73208687210713027382021-12-15T21:24:00.007-05:002021-12-23T12:13:29.482-05:00Rejected Names for the Omicron COVID-19 Variant<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fJ42-Tz5ZKw/YaZesrD4ANI/AAAAAAAAlJg/Tkum3tKd5NEZj2QwTFe1Qh-d8Gnr004wQCLcBGAsYHQ/s2000/Omicron.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1108" data-original-width="2000" height="221" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fJ42-Tz5ZKw/YaZesrD4ANI/AAAAAAAAlJg/Tkum3tKd5NEZj2QwTFe1Qh-d8Gnr004wQCLcBGAsYHQ/w400-h221/Omicron.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Omicron Prime: The Destroyer of Megatron</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Cuarentena de Quinceañera</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Omega Psi Phi</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Variante Ennui-sur-Blasé </span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Jeffrey Epstein-Rosanne Barr Virus</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Rivian Variant</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Variant B.1.1.529</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Cerulean Blue Flu</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><i>De Viris Mundi Ad Finem</i></span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">The Travel Ban Variant</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Variante de Geraldo Rivera</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Long-Haul Mixmaster</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">不是中国病毒</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">The Mandalorian</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">The January 6 Super Spreader</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Kinda Like the Flu or the Cold</span></li><li><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Blink-182 </span></li></ul>Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com0WW33+68Q, Guantanamo Bay Naval Base, Cuba19.9030921 -75.0966509-8.407141736178847 -110.2529009 48.213325936178848 -39.9404009tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-4569933497537019822021-08-10T15:28:00.001-04:002021-08-10T16:09:06.522-04:00A Few Other Things that Andrew Cuomo Might Consider Quitting<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aASJIOB7uRY/YRLSA_mcHoI/AAAAAAAAjzk/7AFqXs-yZuMrhO-3JCYKg_tBSKWdyLuiQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1280/CUOMO-SEXUAL-HARASSMENT-SCANDAL.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="225" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aASJIOB7uRY/YRLSA_mcHoI/AAAAAAAAjzk/7AFqXs-yZuMrhO-3JCYKg_tBSKWdyLuiQCLcBGAsYHQ/w400-h225/CUOMO-SEXUAL-HARASSMENT-SCANDAL.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Annoying subscription to CNN Breaking News</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Jezebel news feed on Flipboard</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Guest appearance on White Lotus as love interest to Jennifer Coolidge</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">The upcoming Albany Law School reunion </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Joining Girls Night Out at TGI Fridays</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">9 to 5 from Netflix favorites list</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">The New York Pontiac GTO Auto Club</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Fourth term gubernatorial election</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">2021 International Cosplay Day NYC </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Doing or saying what he’s thinking</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Sunday Mass</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p><b><span style="font-size: medium;">A Few Things Former New York Governor Cuomo Might Consider</span></b></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Update LinkedIn Page and add “<a href="https://www.linkedin.com/help/linkedin/answer/67405/let-recruiters-know-you-re-open-to-work?lang=en" target="_blank">Open to Work</a>” banner</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Find password for old <a href="https://youtu.be/j2BZfNK6ZZQ" target="_blank">Tinder</a> account</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Update resume without asking <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/former-cuomo-executive-assistant-describes-escalating-misconduct-that-was-certainly-not-consensual/2021/08/09/625ae160-f8f7-11eb-8a67-f14cd1d28e47_story.html" target="_blank">Executive Assistant</a></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Monthly recurring donations to <a href="https://timesupnow.org/" target="_blank">TIME’s UP</a></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Get a <a href="https://qz.com/1787984/wework-competitor-knotel-says-its-not-the-next-wework/" target="_blank">WeWork</a> account after leaving the Governor’s Mansion</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Ask New York Governor Kathy Hochul very nicely for a job reference</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Sunday Mass</span></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-56801255562793353732019-10-03T16:25:00.001-04:002019-10-04T21:24:18.254-04:00All You Ever Wanted to Know About Impeachment But Were Afraid to Ask*<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Df19Kvjd_2I/XZZVGe02xMI/AAAAAAAAZcE/b7uZn6JyxEEgC7ZbA0agwduFQoeK_kLvACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/impeachy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="438" data-original-width="780" height="223" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Df19Kvjd_2I/XZZVGe02xMI/AAAAAAAAZcE/b7uZn6JyxEEgC7ZbA0agwduFQoeK_kLvACLcBGAsYHQ/s400/impeachy.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The House of Representatives called for a formal impeachment inquiry of President Donald Trump. But people have questions, such as: What does it mean? What is it about? How does it affect me, an average person? Will this be on the final exam? Will there be snacks? Can I get off early?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>What does the word “impeach” mean? </b>The Word impeach comes from two Latin words: “<i>imp</i>” and “<i>each</i>”. The word “<i>imp</i>” is a shortened variant of the root word “<i>imperiumisu</i>” which refers to a style of outdoor roman toilet. The word “<i>each</i>” is derived from “<i>eschatology</i>” which is a key concept of creation science and the <a href="https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/5955118-The-Mueller-Report.html" target="_blank">Mueller Report</a>. Please note that “<i>impeach</i>” is different from ‘<i>MPeach</i>, a 1970s soul duo who kind of flamed out in 1973 after creative differences about a soul patch and bell bottom jeans. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Why impeach the President?</b> How much time you got? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Seriously, why impeach the President? T</b>here are as many reasons as there are stars in the sky. Or grains of sand on earth. Or grains of sand in the sky. Lots.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Why impeach the President now?</b> Right off the top of my head, we got Obstruction of Justice (OoJ), violating the Emoluments Clause of the Constitution, advocating violence, undermining freedom of the press, and illegally separating children and their families. And of course: <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2019/oct/01/stephen-colbert-trump-seth-meyers-trevor-noah" target="_blank">Asking a foreign government to influence an upcoming election.</a> Twice. There are more but we got tired while listing them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>How does this affect <a href="http://www.insaneclownposse.com/" target="_blank">Insane Clown Posse</a>? </b>Just asking for a friend. Well, weed will be in very high demand during the impeachment process, especially if there are performances testimonies by principal <a href="https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/464165-giuliani-mocked-in-anonymous-nyc-subway-ad-need-a-lawyer-call" target="_blank">witnesses </a>who will be torn between the truth and their loyalty to the president, for what, I don’t know. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>It this a good use of the Taxpayer’s money?</b> Yes. Very much so.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Why conduct an impeachment inquiry now? </b>Why not?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Will there be an impeachment party? </b>No. There will be many impeachment parties. Likely fireworks and rampant tattoos. Many tattoos of fireworks. A few firework displays of tattoos. Take due care and govern yourself accordingly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>What happens next? </b>During and shortly after the impeachment process, anticipate a massive embolism, specifically a fat globule embolism from several decades of junk food and hate, lodging either in the brain, heart, or carotid artery causing a significant interruption of blood accompanied by more than normal diaphoresis, numbness and tingling, and incoherence. The average person will not readily detect any outward difference from baseline, namely sweating and <a href="https://www.thenational.scot/resources/images/5979120.jpg?display=1&htype=64&type=responsive-gallery" target="_blank">incoherence</a>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>What happens after an impeachment? </b>A tremendous sigh of relief will be palpable across the land, especially across North America, South America, Central America, Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia, and Antarctica. Things get dicey in Russia and North Korea. Sales of Xanax plummet worldwide.</span></div>
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Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-82192557006085323162018-01-19T16:16:00.000-05:002018-01-19T16:16:16.275-05:00U.S. Federal Government Shutdowns: More FAQs Than Necessary<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-5656955416468588652017-11-10T19:16:00.001-05:002017-12-14T10:43:09.220-05:00A Short List of People Who I Really Hope Are Not Revealed to Have Engaged in Sexual Harassment or Other Horrid Behaviors Because I'm Starting to Run Out of Famous People I Respect (Updated Regularly)<br />
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Alec Baldwin<br />
<strike>Tavis Smiley</strike><br />
<strike>Where in the world is Matt Lauer?</strike><br />
<strike>Charlie Rose</strike><br />
<strike>Jeffrey Tambor</strike><br />
<strike><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/05/entertainment/dustin-hoffman-john-oliver-sexual-harassment/index.html" target="_blank">Dustin Hoffman</a>****</strike><br />
<strike>Al Franken</strike></div>
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<strike>Tom Sizemore</strike><br />
<strike>Tom Hanks</strike><br />
<strike>Richard Dreyfuss</strike></div>
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Morgan Freeman<br />
<strike>Ben Affleck</strike></div>
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Jane Lynch<br />
Dave Grohl<br />
<strike>Channing Tatum</strike> **</div>
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Hank Azaria<br />
<strike>Louis C.K.</strike></div>
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Ryan Gosling</div>
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George Clooney<br />
<strike>Johnny Depp</strike></div>
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James Franco</div>
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Emma Thompson<br />
Kumail Nanjiani<br />
<strike>Kevin Spacey</strike></div>
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Bradley Cooper</div>
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Maya Angelou </div>
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Colin Powell<br />
<strike>Jeremy Piven</strike></div>
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Steve Jobs*<br />
Bill Gates***</div>
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Clint Eastwood<br />
<strike>Bill Murray</strike></div>
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Sanjay Gupta</div>
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Jimmy Carter</div>
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Muhammad Ali*</div>
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Michelle Dockery</div>
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Adam Sandler</div>
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Warren Buffett<br />
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Tina Fey</div>
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James Earl Jones<br />
Moby<br />
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* Deceased<br />
** For shattering CP's crush celeb image</div>
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*** I meant Steve Jobs. Bill Gates is not yet deceased.</div>
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Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-52885780406153837242017-02-23T13:41:00.003-05:002017-02-23T13:41:36.104-05:00<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>The Trump Administration:</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer gradually realizes the metaphysical, existential, and epistemological impossibility of continuing to carry out this, the most impressive job of his life, with a straight face. No emoji can adequately describe his despair.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Suddenly, the imaginary Death Panels that were purposefully used as scare tactics against the Affordable Care Act now seem like plausible options for White House interns who dreamed of being White House interns during their high school and college years but have now sunk into Level Six depressions.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Alt Right Muslim Travel Ban situation gets confusing after the alt rock Muslim Travel Band does a Southern tour with Korn and Green Day. Tickets available at ticketmaster.com. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Due to clerical error by Betsy DeVos, trans fats now banned from public elementary, middle, and high school bathrooms, which is good. Meanwhile, trans kids pee in special Betsy DeVos Unisex Toilette de Trans, which is good enough for now. Every time a trans kid flushes the toilet, Betsy receives a text message with the song “Believe in Yourself” from The Wiz.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Kim Jong Un anonymously sends his resume to the Trump transition team (Senior Analyst) but gets bummed out about the federal government hiring freeze and decides to test another Taepodong intercontinental ballistic missile, kill his half-brother, and tweets Dennis Rodman.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Uber-racist and hottie fascist Steve Bannon takes a break from the White House Administration to join the cast of Hamilton at the Richard Rodgers Theater in New York City. Says Bannon, “This cast is fabulous! Just fabulous! Who knew? Lin-Manuel Miranda is my new politics!”</span><br />
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Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-84634213654545838272013-10-01T16:50:00.001-04:002013-10-01T16:52:40.114-04:00U.S. Federal Government Shutdowns: More FAQs Than Really Necessary<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #fff2cc;">Your Federal Government increasingly
operates under “continuing appropriations resolutions.” These temporarily fund government
programs and activities that have already been authorized. If another
appropriations act is not signed into law on or before the end date—either a
continuing resolution or a regular appropriation bill—Federal Government
operations will shut down and Federal Government employees will be furloughed. <i>There will be wailing and gnashing of teeth.
</i>No more Panda Cam.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #fff2cc;">The following Frequently
Asked Questions (FAQs) provide answers to key issues related to Federal Government
shutdowns, furloughs, and of course, zombies.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">How will I know if the
Federal Government is Shut Down? </span></b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">Oh
you’ll know. At the Precise Moment of Work Stoppage (PMOWS), the United States
Navy’s Blue Angels will conduct a wicked crazy air show over Washington DC and
a few other cities. Oh, you’ll know. It’ll be loud and scary. Like dinner time at
the Assad’s in Damascus.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9g8buI4tu_8/UkswRadkTzI/AAAAAAAAHkE/VD2rIsxerJs/s1600/Blue+Angels.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #fff2cc;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9g8buI4tu_8/UkswRadkTzI/AAAAAAAAHkE/VD2rIsxerJs/s1600/Blue+Angels.jpg" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #fff2cc;">The Blue Angel’s routine
will begin with a Fat Albert (C-130) high performance takeoff and Flat Pass, a
FA-18 Diamond Take-off with a Half Squirrel Cage, an Opposing Knife-Edge Pass,
several Diamond Rolls, and a Double Farvel. They will do several Sneak Passes,
Vertical Breaks, Delta Rolls, and a Loop Break Cross. It will be huge and posted
to the YouTube, which is located inside the Internet. You should get that if
you don’t already.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">But aren’t the Blue
Angels Part of the Federal Government? </span></b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">You
bet they are. But they get permission from their commanders to rock on. And so
they do. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">Say, What is a Furlough?</span></b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;"> <b>Isn't that French? </b>A <i>furlough </i>involves
placing an employee in a temporary nonduty, nonpay status because of lack of
work or funds. During a furlough, Federal Government employees are prohibited
from conducting official work duties, if any. For some Federal Government employees
and government contractors, the difference between nonduty and duty is
negligible. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">Can I go to My Office During a Furlough? </span></b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">Nope. Remember: Nonduty-nonpay. You gotta go home. Chill.
Out.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5btl8gL7cV8/UksyMku8jFI/AAAAAAAAHk4/JgY5NYQXUPo/s1600/Office.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #fff2cc;"><img border="0" height="161" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5btl8gL7cV8/UksyMku8jFI/AAAAAAAAHk4/JgY5NYQXUPo/s320/Office.jpg" width="320" /></span></a><span style="color: #fff2cc;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">Can I Volunteer to do my
Job on a Nonpay Basis During a Furlough? </span></b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">HAHAHA. Nope. Not gonna happen.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">Can I Work at Home
During a Furlough? </span></b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">You may tinker in the
garden, putter around the garage, and work in the kitchen. You may work on your
car or your vocabulary. But if you check your Federal Government email or turn
on your Government-issued Blackberry, <i>the
Federal Government will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious
anger. And you will know that this is your Government when We lay Our vengeance
upon thee. <o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kY7T_yojSJs/Uksw_tLGwfI/AAAAAAAAHkY/JD-TrkzkoHU/s1600/Stripper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="color: #fff2cc;"><img border="0" height="179" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kY7T_yojSJs/Uksw_tLGwfI/AAAAAAAAHkY/JD-TrkzkoHU/s320/Stripper.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><b><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Can I Work as an Exotic Dancer During a
Furlough? </span></b><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">You bet. It’s heart healthy! Your Federal Government fully supports your
interest to work as an exotic dancer while on furlough. Simply provide your
supervisor the address and times of your upcoming performances and you are good
to go.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">I am in the middle of a
battle outside of Kabul, Afghanistan. What should I do?</span></b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;"> Thank you for your service. Stay put for now. Download form
SR-634-B, complete it online, and forward it to your commander. That will
provide permission to continue fighting until the next continuing resolution. Keep
your head down. Boo-yah.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">What about the National Zoo Panda Cam? </span></b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">Sadly, the National Zoo Panda Cam
will go dark during a shutdown. I know, right? However, ladies can amuse
themselves via Jezebel.com and there is no shortage of online entertainment for
the guys, if you know what I mean. Take due notice and govern yourself accordingly.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">Do Furloughed Federal
Employees Get Paid? </span></b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">You will receive
retroactive pay following the furlough in Rupees or IOUs.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">What Happens to my
Employee Benefits During a Furlough? </span></b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">They
will be put in a locked box. Al Gore has the key. </span></span></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2aZGDaesg4k/UksxPVwY1eI/AAAAAAAAHkg/luj0czLdznE/s1600/Afterlife.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2aZGDaesg4k/UksxPVwY1eI/AAAAAAAAHkg/luj0czLdznE/s320/Afterlife.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">What Happens if I Die During the Furlough? </span></b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">If you were in a government-approved and registered religion
in good standing, lived a good life, helped others, and filled out form AL-6501,
you are likely to go to Heaven and/or a pleasant and/or meaningful alternative
destination. Please note that your Federal Government wishes you a pleasant
afterlife. Enjoy. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">I am a Prisoner in a Federal Penitentiary.
Can I Leave Now? </span></b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">No. The rules for
Federal Government employees and Federal Government prisoners are <i>slightly different</i>. Shelter in place.
We’ll get to you when we can.</span></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #fff2cc;">How Does This Affect
Obamacare? </span></span></b><span style="color: #fff2cc; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">Business as usual. The Death Panels will continue to
operate, but from a secret location, such as Mississauga, Canada. Medical
marijuana shoppes will remain open 24/7 with happy hour from 5-6. Flu shots
will be provided free-of-charge to seniors at all Nando’s Peri-Peri locations.
Senator Ted Cruz will continue his marathon speech against Obamacare at
Hooter’s in Fiscal Cliff, Texas and rant something about his new universal
lawn-care bill. Unfortunately, Medical conditions developed during a shutdown
will be considered pre-existing conditions when your Federal Government turns
back on again. Sorry about that.</span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2PLFly_61QA/UksxwJSquGI/AAAAAAAAHkw/Dz_pgmAtWFY/s1600/Zombies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2PLFly_61QA/UksxwJSquGI/AAAAAAAAHkw/Dz_pgmAtWFY/s320/Zombies.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #fff2cc;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">What About Zombies? </span></b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">Technically deceased, Zombies pay only sporadic attention to
the news, social media, and email. They are notably disorganized. Thus, they
may not fully appreciate the fact that there has been a government shutdown.
Their primary focus will likely be the acquisition and consumption of brains.
That’s what they do. Keep some distance. Note that Zombies are nearly always
considered nonessential personnel and will thus be barred from entering Federal
Government property and “working.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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</v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #fff2cc;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">How will I know that the Shutdown is Over? </span></b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">Oh d</span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 11pt;">on’t worry about that. Your Federal Government will find you
and let you know when the coast is clear and that you can resume the fine and
productive work that you presumably provide now. No phone calls, please. We’ll
call you.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-32104898417366649072013-09-17T15:07:00.001-04:002013-09-17T15:15:01.481-04:00False, Untrue, Fictitious, Improbable, and Implausible Names of Saints and the Things About Which They are Apparently Patrons<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-R1g-Wa0zSr4/UjipoYhaIfI/AAAAAAAAHjo/A5EFQ-RScsk/s1600/saints.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="268" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-R1g-Wa0zSr4/UjipoYhaIfI/AAAAAAAAHjo/A5EFQ-RScsk/s400/saints.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Saint Ambien—patron saint of sleep-eating</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saint Fareed the Zakaria—patron saint of truthiness</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saint Yves Saint Laurent-patron saint of le parfum et les cosmétiques</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saint Zoloft of Celexa—patron saint of vapors and melancholia </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saint Remulon—patron saint of robots</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saint Arabica—patron saint of coffee, coffee beans, and coffee houses</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saint Scopalamine of Benadryl</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">—</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">patron saint of impending seasickness</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saint Flöardfull—patron saint of people putting Ikea things together</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saint Sinus the Deviated—patron saint of allergic rhinitis </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saint Deus ex Machina—patron saint of frustrated screenwriters</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saint Groupón—patron saint now 40% off</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saint Gingrich of Newt—patron saint of Bezerkistan</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saint Yaris of Slough-upon-Avon—patron saint of F1 Karting</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saint Alzheimer—patron saint of uh, wait, um, hold on, I know this</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saint Paxil the Dizzy—patron saint of Legoland rides</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saint Cruise of Travolta—patron saint of Dianetics and Diabetics</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saint Wiener of Brooklyn—patron saint of selfies </span><br />
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Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-50590632292260964402013-02-26T14:37:00.005-05:002013-11-26T12:37:52.642-05:00Implausible, Unrealistic, Untrue, and/or Imaginary Retirement Plans for Pope Benedict XVI<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_TR2mUy_bGk/US0O2w_HZxI/AAAAAAAAHcs/4MmUPc1d65k/s1600/Retirement.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_TR2mUy_bGk/US0O2w_HZxI/AAAAAAAAHcs/4MmUPc1d65k/s640/Retirement.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></b>
<b id="internal-source-marker_0.32745652296580374" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Recurring Downton Abbey role as the ghost of the </span><a href="http://downtonabbey.wikia.com/wiki/6th_Earl_of_Grantham#6th_Earl_of_Grantham" target="_blank"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">6th Earl of Grantham</span></a></span></b></span><br />
<b id="internal-source-marker_0.32745652296580374" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Manage a </span><a href="http://www.ragincajun.com/" target="_blank"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Papal-themed food truck</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: </span><span style="font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Pontificiae Victus Carrus</span><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Become Acting Head coach for the New Orleans Saints</span><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Flying to US to fix that fiscal cliff thing and meet </span><a href="http://cdn.cnwimg.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/rihanna-net-worth.jpg" target="_blank"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rihanna</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> (</span><span style="font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Papal Crush!</span><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">)</span><br /><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/03/arts/television/stupid-german-tricks-wearing-thin-on-tv.html?pagewanted=all" target="_blank"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Celebrity Survivor Austria</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Using that Groupon for that </span><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/25/business/many-cruise-ship-lack-backup-power-systems-vexing-regulators.html?pagewanted=all" target="_blank"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Carnival Cruise trip of a lifetime</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Teach </span><a href="http://www.zumba.com/" target="_blank"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Zumba</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> and water aerobics at the local YMCA in Rome</span><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Finally get around to upgrading that kitchen</span><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">An antiquing road trip in an </span><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/mooselips00/861628038/" target="_blank"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Souped-up RV </span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">with<a href="http://www.danicaracing.com/danica-timeless" target="_blank">Danica Patrick</a></span><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hooking up with on </span><a href="http://www.people.com/people/cheryl_burke/0,,,00.html" target="_blank"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Cheryl Burke</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> on Dancing With the Stars</span><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">V Festival, Bonnaroo, Coachella, Lollapalooza, SXSW with “</span><a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=molly" target="_blank"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Molly</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">”</span></span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b id="internal-source-marker_0.32745652296580374" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Spending time with the </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Illegitimate_children_of_popes" target="_blank"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">grandkids</span></a></span></b><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Puttering around<a href="http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2013/13/130212-pope-vatican-benedict-xvi-resigned-religion-world-italy-rome/" target="_blank"> the house </a>and catching up on </span><span style="font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Modern Family</span><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Manage the </span><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/19/pope-cake-peep-pope-bened_n_542345.html#s82161&title=Pope_Benedicts_83rd" target="_blank"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Pope’s Cupcake & Coffee Hous</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">e in Milan</span><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Touring with </span><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2013/feb/19/robert-plant-led-zeppelin" target="_blank"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Led Zeppelin Reunion Tour</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> as Replacement Drummer</span><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Work on my </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gSsnlZAEfU" target="_blank"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">moves</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Finding out what 50 </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/fiftyshadesofgreymovie" target="_blank"><span style="font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Shades of Grey</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> is all about</span><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Busdriver" target="_blank">Part time school bus driver </a>and<a href="http://mariettaband.com/mhs-crossing-guard.do" target="_blank"> crossing guard</a></span><br /><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Going to Disneyland! (Paris) with<a href="http://something-gold-something-new.com/nine-inch-nails-wish/" target="_blank"> the boyz</a></span></span></b></span><br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Assistant manager at local <a href="http://eu-static.bullring.co.uk.s3.amazonaws.com/Live/ResizedImages/storefronts/wn2ubgjwrpy/Gallery_Image/nandos.jpg" target="_blank">Nandos Peri Peri</a></span></b>Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-76304521257512544062013-02-05T14:54:00.000-05:002013-02-05T18:45:09.776-05:00Odd, Unusual, False, and Imaginary Reasons why the Electricity Went Out During the Superbowl<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MRsry7JasuI/URFiZF07ICI/AAAAAAAAHaA/ou1VVD4o_jc/s1600/blackout.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MRsry7JasuI/URFiZF07ICI/AAAAAAAAHaA/ou1VVD4o_jc/s400/blackout.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Saving electricity for </span><a href="http://micheleantionette.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/mardi-gras.jpg" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;" target="_blank">Mardi Gras</a><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Excessive power needed to remove</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.x17online.com/celebrities/beyonce_knowles/spanx_makes_bodysuits.php" target="_blank">Beyonce's Spanx</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">49er quarterback Colin Kaepernick could get another</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span><a href="http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/blog/eye-on-football/21203502/columnist-attacks-colin-kaepernick-for-having-tattoos-compares-him-to-inmates" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;" target="_blank">tattoo</a><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">King </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Richard III kind of angry finding self </span><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/blog/2013/feb/04/richard-iii-skeleton-last-plantagenet-king-live?intcmp=239" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;" target="_blank">buried in parking lot</a><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">PBS </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">turned it off so people would watch</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFEabHQWntg" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;" target="_blank">Downton Abbey</a><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Louisiana </span><a href="http://www.ibtimes.com/super-bowl-goes-dark-graveyard-superdome-blackout-spurs-talk-voodoo-curse-1060156" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;" target="_blank">Voodoo</a><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">, </span><a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=superdome%20curse&src=typd" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;" target="_blank">Curses</a><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">, and </span><a href="http://grisgrisman.blogspot.com/" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;" target="_blank">Gris-Gris</a><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Beyonce </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">flashed the </span><a href="http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/342832" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;" target="_blank">Illuminati Sign </a><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">signaling New World Order</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">To give the 49ers <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:49ers_Super_Bowl_Trophies_at_Family_Day_2009.JPG" target="_blank">something to think about</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">New Orleans just ran out of electricity </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Saints Coach </span><a href="http://www.jessytees.com/Free-Sean-Payton-New-Orleans-Football-Bounty-T-Shirt.html" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;" target="_blank">Sean Payton</a><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> Gets Payback After Suspension</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So CBS could run a few more <a href="http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/superbowl/commercials" target="_blank">commercials</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So Oreo could tweet the instant ad: </span><a href="https://twitter.com/Oreo/status/298246571718483968" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;" target="_blank">You can still dunk in the dark</a><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Some nonesense about </span><a href="http://media.nola.com/superbowl_impact/photo/graphic-blackout2-020413jpg-0df5fc475ae3cc90.jpg" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;" target="_blank">substations and wires</a><br />
<br />Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-83035310492910353532013-01-18T17:08:00.000-05:002013-01-23T21:11:55.684-05:00Mim's Handy Guide to the Odd and Unusual 2013 US Presidential Inauguration Schedule Events and Balls<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uuHGn-sRSkQ/UPm-9UaBB1I/AAAAAAAAHZc/T7sZ8FSQH-U/s1600/Inauguration_crowd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="345" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uuHGn-sRSkQ/UPm-9UaBB1I/AAAAAAAAHZc/T7sZ8FSQH-U/s640/Inauguration_crowd.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">07:30 The First Response® <a href="http://www.biography.com/people/michele-bachmann-20601017" target="_blank">Wiccan</a> Prayer to the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoUqSPQQuW4" target="_blank">Moon</a>, Sun, and Jumbotrons</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">08:00 Breakfast and Parade of Washington DC <a href="http://www.truckeroodc.com/www/" target="_blank">Food and Cupcake Trucks</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">09:00 Wake up with Jimmy Eat World and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4smim2MNvF8" target="_blank">Rage </a>Against the Machine</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">09:45 The General Atomics Predator Drone <a href="http://callofduty.wikia.com/wiki/File:Predator_Drone_Contingency_MW2.png" target="_blank">Surveillance</a> Photograph Swarm</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">09:50 National Salute to the Jumbotron <a href="http://www.catonmat.net/blog/donald-knuths-first-computer/" target="_blank">Information Technology Specialists </a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">09:55 Moment of Silence by <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nuoduwf3es" target="_blank">Insane Clown Posse</a>, Mel Gibson, and Jody Foster</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">10:00 Silence Broken by all-girl Led Zeppelin Cover Band <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNstGls5880" target="_blank">Lez Zeppelin</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">10:40 National Moment of Reflection About Hippies in the Reflection Pool</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">10:45 The Bud Light 2013 Presidential Inauguration Air Guitar Competition </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">11:00 Yahoo Presents Commander Cody and the Lost Planet Airmen</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">11:45 The Viagra UFC Octagon Cage Mixed Martial Arts Competition</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">11:50 The Vice President Biden Poetry Slam and Yo Momma Insult Competition</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">12:00 <a href="http://www.benschilibowl.com/ordereze/default.aspx" target="_blank">Ben’s Chili Bowl </a>Chili Eating Competition and Half-Smoke Smoke-Off</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">12:30 Lunch (on your own) Food Trucks!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">12:45 Doritos 2013 Inaugural Swearing<i> in</i> of the President and Vice President</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">12:50 The NRA 2013 Inaugural Swearing <i>at</i> the President and the Vice President</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">01:00 The Living Social Stage Presents that indie band in that Chevy Cruze ad</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">01:45 The USA Jobs Stage Presents Portlandia the Musical</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">02:00 Groupon Presents that band with the guy who lost all that weight</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">02:30 The Naval Observatory Open House, Scavenger Hunt, Open Mike & Bar</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">02:45 Jonas Brothers Tribute Band: <a href="http://popdust.com/2012/11/29/nsync-backstreet-boys-menudo-nkotb-style-photos/" target="_blank">We Dress Like This</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">03:00 Kinda Like Weezer, Ladysmith Black Mambazo, & Justin Bieber</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">03:30 Parade led by Doctor John and the Krewe of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Moon-Pie-Single.jpg" target="_blank">Mona Lisa and Moon Pie</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">03:45 Beyonce: Incoherent Speech and Invocation About Something</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">4:00 The Lumineers do Jay-Z and 2 Chainz and Ke$ha</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">5:00 Dramatic Reading of the Names of the Lost Children and Their Parents</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">5:30 Dramatic <a href="http://celebrity-gossip.net/daryl-hannah/photo/daryl-hannah-1" target="_blank">Arrest </a>and Admonishment of Parents Who Lost their Children </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">6:00 Fireworks and More Arrests</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">INAUGURAL BALLS</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">08:00 The ChristianMingle.com <a href="http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/1950s_School_Dance.jpg" target="_blank">Christian Mingle </a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">09:00 The Ambien-Tiger Woods Night to Remember Ball</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">09:00 The Scientology Thetan Eight Dynamics of Existence Shindig!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">09:00 The Kimberly-Clark Hooker’s Ball and Rave with Avicii </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">09:00 The Quest Diagnostics Masquerade Ball and Cholesterol Check</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">09:00 Charlie Sheen Presents the Lance Armstrong #Winning Ball</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">10:00 The Ryan Gosling Hey Girl Dreamy Ball (invited but not confirmed) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">10:30 The Zoloft-Bacardi <a href="http://www.stickershoppe.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=romney-ryan-button-set&Category_Code=discount-romney-stickers&Store_Code=SS&gclid=CKzRuJPy_7QCFQSg4Aod0QIAPQ" target="_blank">Romney-Ryan </a>Dance-Ball</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-25251298351219725192012-12-20T21:49:00.002-05:002012-12-21T16:08:57.569-05:00Mim's Handy Guide to the Mayan Doomsday End-of-the-World Apocalypse Thang<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-H4UM6EBNyzk/UNPMsfxfoWI/AAAAAAAAHY8/S9z6Gh7_fC4/s1600/doomsday2.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="298" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-H4UM6EBNyzk/UNPMsfxfoWI/AAAAAAAAHY8/S9z6Gh7_fC4/s400/doomsday2.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Question: </b><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">What is the Mayan Doomsday Apocalypse? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Answer:</b> The Mayans predicted that on 12/21/2012 at 12:01 a.m. Eastern Standard Time, several events would occur which constitute the Mayan Doomsday Apocalypse: a horrendous meteor strike, a horrific solar flare, and a mildly unpleasant polar shift, whereby the Earth's magnetic and rotational poles would reverse with devastating consequences, oh, and—the dreaded Fiscal Cliff.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Question:</b> I have a scheduled flight from Washington Dulles to Seattle, Washington, with a connection in Chicago. Any tips?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: </b>Please note that there is a winter travel advisory in the Midwest with all connecting flights to Chicago canceled followed by <i>the end of the world</i>. Take due notice and govern yourself accordingly.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Question: </b>The Mayan Doomsday Apocalypse occurs on a Friday. Does this mean that Casual Friday is canceled? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: </b>We will continue to observe Casual Friday until the moment that the world ends.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Question:</b> Hi, I’m John and I’m a Zombie. <i>[Hi John]</i> So, we were wondering since we are already deceased technically, what’s in it for us? Is there like a downside?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: </b>Hi John. During the first 20 minutes after the start of the Mayan Apocalypse, there will be widespread panic and confusion, unkeepable and unspeakable promises will be made, and the rivers will run red with blood. So, go for it. Note that this will be immediately followed by <i>the end of the world.</i> Take due notice and govern yourself accordingly.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Question: </b>I am scheduled to take annual leave on Friday. Dental thing. Can I bill against my project in the event that the world does not end?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: </b>You are strongly encouraged to adhere to Federal Government auditing standards right up to that final moment in which the world ceases to exist. You may find that the dental thing which seems quite distressful now becomes significantly less meaningful as the world comes to an abrupt end.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Question: </b>The Mayan Doomsday Apocalypse is inconvenient for me. I have a Groupon for a Manicure and Pedicure With OPI or Jessica Polish scheduled for Saturday. Can't you do something? I'm not even Mayan!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: </b>The Mayan Doomsday Apocalypse will usher in <i>the end of the world</i>, including Groupons. Take due notice and govern yourself accordingly.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Question:</b> My mother-in-law is scheduled to arrive here over the weekend for the holidays. Any tips?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Answer: </b>You are in luck. The Mayan Doomsday Apocalypse is schedule to arrive here on Friday. So, either way, the odds are slim to none that you will enjoy the holidays with your mother-in-law this year. Cheers.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Question: </b>What happens to my annual leave after the Mayan Apocalypse?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Answer:</b> You are kinda not getting this. Mayan Doomsday Apocalypse = End of World. No world = no annual leave. Take due notice and govern yourself accordingly.</span><br />
<br />Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com134tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-54270544325188400842012-11-20T15:22:00.001-05:002012-11-20T15:28:35.691-05:00Mim's Handy FAQs about the Fiscal Cliff<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dg9orIh4Xog/UKvT1n7_O5I/AAAAAAAAHYo/zwsTOeSSFh4/s1600/FiscalCliff.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dg9orIh4Xog/UKvT1n7_O5I/AAAAAAAAHYo/zwsTOeSSFh4/s1600/FiscalCliff.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Fiscal
Clift is the son of moody and sullen 1950’s actor Montgomery Clift</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Fiscal
Cliff was one of the rejected names for the country music group Rascal Flatts<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The
Fiscal Cliff overlooks the newly-remodel Fiscal Bay Spa Hotel and Beach Resort<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">New Disney World Fiscal Cliff ride much better than the Abyss of Sequestration<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Despite
years of renovations, the Fiscal Cliff is still not ADA-accessible<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Fiscal
Cliff and the Psychedelic Rangers will tour with the Goo Goo Dolls in 2013<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Best Fiscal Cliff diving: Red Bull Fiscal Cliff Diving World Series-Muscat, Oman</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Fiscal Clift and Aunt Eleanor Clift both play the bassoon and pinochle</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Fiscal Slope and Hill both easier and safer to snow ski than Fiscal Cliff</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Jelly Defense-Fiscal Cliff Android and Apple apps now available</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Fiscal Cliff Notes: Sequestration not nearly as much fun as it sounds</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">For what its worth, Fiscal Cliff in Arabic looks like this: كليف المالية </span></div>
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Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-24203310646000468132012-11-06T12:04:00.001-05:002012-11-06T12:04:38.535-05:00Mim's Election Day FAQs<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EKk8KmbJgRA/UJlA0Oli9jI/AAAAAAAAHWI/yXZfNf1SD2A/s1600/Vote.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="257" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EKk8KmbJgRA/UJlA0Oli9jI/AAAAAAAAHWI/yXZfNf1SD2A/s400/Vote.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Where do I vote?</b><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Republicans vote at a secret Masonic Lodge downtown.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Democrats vote at the Cajun Lounge and Social Club. Gumbo!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Libertarians somberly vote at bookstores that sell Ayn Rand books.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Green Party members vote at Burning Man or out in the woods.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Scientologists don’t vote. They focus on the expression of the cosmic source.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Do I need identification?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Yes, we accept VISA, Mastercard, American Express, and PayPal.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>My precinct does not have electricity. How can I vote?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Under emergency procedures, you may vote by email and FAX. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Um, we don’t have electricity for computers or FAX machines.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Okay then, give us a call and take care of it for you. Trust us.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>We don’t have phone service. What can I do?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Send us your votes using ESP, telepathy, clairvoyance, or retrocognition.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>What if I change my mind?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">If you change your mind <i>before</i> the end of the day, return to the place where you voted and explain to the officials that you changed your mind and would like a do-over, also called a re-vote. It happens all the time. You might end up on America’s Funniest Videos.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">If you change your mind <i>after </i>the election has ended, you have many options. You may write a letter to the editor of your local newspaper, conduct a seance, complain to one of my well-meaning aunts, or speak with your minister or psychotherapist. Also, you have four years to make your decision next time. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>What is the Electoral College?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Technically not an accredited college. More like continuing ed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Seriously hard to get a copy of your Electoral College transcript. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The Sorority Sisters at the Electoral College are fine, phat, and thick!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Newt Gingrich was held back a year for well, you know.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The Electoral College Marching Band is kind of a rag-tag affair but fun.</span><br />
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Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-52648256940818064232012-09-05T21:50:00.002-04:002012-09-05T21:50:46.441-04:00Democratic Convention Schedule<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_yZQ5YQIIxY/UEgAWBwdmmI/AAAAAAAAHV4/1nBzhedsWrA/s1600/dnc1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_yZQ5YQIIxY/UEgAWBwdmmI/AAAAAAAAHV4/1nBzhedsWrA/s320/dnc1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">6:05 PM - Gabby Douglas Does Backflip and Sings Star Spangled Banner</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 26px;">6:15 PM - Bloopers and Outtakes: Joe Biden Goes Wild!</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">6:30 PM - John Edwards and Anthony Weiner Live From Bar Across Street</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">6:45 PM - Intoxicated Glenn Beck Mistakenly Hits On Rahm Emanuel</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">7:00 PM - Obama Tribute Video: Neither Muslim Nor Mormon: What Am I? </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 26px;">7:30 PM - Joe Biden Opens Mouth and Everyone Gets Really Nervous</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">7:45 PM - Emotional Joe Lieberman Wants Back In</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">8:00 PM - Al Green. Really? Dang.</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">8:15 PM - Nancy Pelosi: I'm Better Off Than Four Years Ago</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 26px;">8:30 PM - Cowboys vs. Giants Kickoff </span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; line-height: 26px;"><span style="color: yellow; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">8:45 PM - Barbara Mikulski: Broad's</span></span><span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 26px;"> Shoulders and Lipstick Ladies</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 26px;">9:15 PM - Cowboys vs. Giants Update</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; line-height: 26px;">10:15 PM - Geraldo Rivera Still Looking for Tampa Convention Center</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 26px;">10:30 PM - Cowboys vs. Giants Update</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 26px;">10:45 PM - President Bill Clinton Keynote Address</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 26px;">11:00 PM - Cowboys vs. Giants Wrapup</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; line-height: 26px;"><span style="color: yellow; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">11:00 PM - President Bill Clinton Meets Dallas Cheerleaders</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; line-height: 26px;"><span style="color: yellow; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">11:15 PM - President Clinton Brings Cheerleaders to Gentlemen's Club </span></span><br />
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Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-31046205396351464832012-08-31T09:18:00.003-04:002012-08-31T09:18:54.946-04:00Mitt Romney's Republican Convention Speech: Highlights, Bloopers and Deleted Scenes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-puu8rtQKruc/UEAMr-jWNeI/AAAAAAAAHVg/kJ72mYWMpH8/s1600/mitt_romney.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-puu8rtQKruc/UEAMr-jWNeI/AAAAAAAAHVg/kJ72mYWMpH8/s400/mitt_romney.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Mitt's Moving Personal Story--</b>Hatched on the double planet Xenu-Ventolin in the Galactic Confederacy and raised by members of the Cromolyn and Theophylline tribes, the being we call Mitt fell from the sky to downtown Salt Lake City and became fully realized as an individualized expression of the cosmic life force. After a spell, he took a temp job as a beat poet and quickly </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">became a way hugely successful management consultant and part-time elementary school softball coach. Married a human female and begat. The rest you know. If not, try Wikipedia.</span><br />
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<b>It's All Obama's Fault--</b>Hurricane Isaac, Trance Music, The Jersey Shore, Rising Gas Prices, Homeopathy, Smooth Jazz, Pope Benedict XIV, Global Warming, Taxing the Superrich, Snooki & JWoww, and Geraldo Rivera. It just has to stop.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /><b>Big Ideas--</b>Create an Interstate Highway System, Land a Man on Mars, Whoops, Hurry up and Get that Guy on Mars to Come Home--it's hot it's cold, what kind of place is this?, Get out of Vietnam--I mean when your flight arrives, Liberate France, or at least their wines, and End Both the Cold War and the War on Drugs. Mandatory Family Home Evenings. Privatize everything. Privatize privatization. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Get Super-Duper Tough on Terrorism--</b>Will find, capture, and re-kill Osama bin Laden and stuff like that. But more toughly than Obama.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b>Clint Eastwood--</b>Whoops, my bad. That did not turn out like We expected. My apologies to the chair. </span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tYAqihwJPuQ/UEC3EUOw84I/AAAAAAAAHVs/MlNGegxERts/s1600/Chair.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tYAqihwJPuQ/UEC3EUOw84I/AAAAAAAAHVs/MlNGegxERts/s320/Chair.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-30424334109024511422012-08-30T11:50:00.001-04:002012-08-30T18:34:20.287-04:002012 Republican Convention Schedule<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bs9hM-sCHMc/UD-JZ1Z3ycI/AAAAAAAAHVU/S4Pv9Q85lXo/s1600/TampaStripClub.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bs9hM-sCHMc/UD-JZ1Z3ycI/AAAAAAAAHVU/S4Pv9Q85lXo/s400/TampaStripClub.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 26px;">4:00 PM - Opening Prayers by Ted Haggard and Gary Busey</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">4:05 PM - Unintelligible Opening Rant by Ted Nugent</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">4:10 PM - Hologram Speech by Charlton Heston on Gun Love</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">4:15 PM - Cranky John McCain Accidentally Finds Podium. Lectures it.</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">4:30 PM - Kid Rock Speech on Rock, Roll, and Republicants</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">4:45 PM - Dick Cheney on "Driving From the Back Seat"</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 26px;">5:00 PM - Hermain Cain Speaks but Words Understood Only By Him</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">5:15 PM - Michelle Bachman Talk: My Husband is What? Say Again?</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">5:30 PM - Sarah Palin Arm Wrestles Michelle Malkin</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">5:45 PM - Emotional Video of the Mitt Romney's 11 Homes</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">6:00 PM - Dinner: Condoleezza Rice Cajun Style</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">6:15 PM - Herman Cain Explains What He Meant the Other Day</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">6:30 PM - 15 Minutes with Jeb Bush Weeping Uncontrollably</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">6:45 PM - How to be Against Big Government Except When You're not</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">7:00 PM - How to Hate the Government But Want to Work There</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 26px;">7:15 PM - Lecture: When Truth is Just Not Enough</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">7:30 PM - Restroom Break with Larry Craig</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">7:45 PM - Lecture by a Vial of Ronald Reagan's Blood </span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">8:00 PM - Zombie Preparedness by the CDC</span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">8:15 PM - Lecture: Why Obama Hates America, Kids, and Senior Citizens</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; line-height: 26px;"><span style="color: yellow; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">8:45 PM - Video of John McCain Being Really Cranky</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 26px;">9:15 PM - Mitt Accepts Nomination and Electrifies the Nation. Psych! </span><br style="line-height: 26px;" /><span style="line-height: 26px;">10:00 PM - Lynyrd Skynyrd Plays Something Really Old</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 26px;">10:15 PM - A Very Late Geraldo Rivera Arrives Wet From Hurricane Isaac</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; line-height: 26px;"><span style="color: yellow; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">11:00 PM - John McCain Leads Entire Delegation to Tampa Strip Clubs </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; line-height: 26px;"><span style="color: yellow; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">11:15 PM - Romney Makes Bold Presidential Move to Go to Bed Early</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 18px; line-height: 26px;"><br /></span>Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-45416174087880207002012-06-29T13:43:00.005-04:002012-06-29T19:15:16.697-04:00Odd, Unusual, and Strange Supreme Court Announcements About the Affordable Care Act<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vGG8O2-EwRY/T-3oVybiqcI/AAAAAAAAHNk/5NQu299NqP0/s1600/supreme09.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="207" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vGG8O2-EwRY/T-3oVybiqcI/AAAAAAAAHNk/5NQu299NqP0/s320/supreme09.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The Supreme Court ruled that well, <i>The Supreme Court Rules</i>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Chief Justice Roberts was the swing voter but not in the way
you think.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Death Panels are back! Canadian health system jealous it didn’t
think of it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The American people now have an individual mandate to rock.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Zombiecare not covered since they are technically deceased.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The fine for not purchasing health insurance: 5 hours of Fox
News.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The Affordable Care Act is off the hizzle fo shizzle my
fizzle.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The Constitution’s Commerce Clause: Nothing to do with Santa
Claus.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Dude, you should so get some of that health care. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Dramatic Medicaid expansion not as dramatic as Newt Gingrich
expansion.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Health benefit payouts will be managed by the Hard Rock
Casino in Biloxi, MS.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">If you are an adult age 26 living with your parents, dude,
really? Time to go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">You may be entitled to coverage of preventive services that
include weed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">If you have preexisting conditions, well that really sucks
for you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">If your employer does not provide insurance, don’t get sick.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">National high-risk insurance pool will close for 15 minutes
after lightening.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-77584137373552415072012-06-29T12:01:00.002-04:002012-06-29T12:07:39.560-04:00The Affordable Care Act: More FAQs Than You Can Handle<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-g3EGUeIMotE/T-3P42d7awI/AAAAAAAAHNc/6BR_xZtODKY/s1600/Affordable+Care+Act.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-g3EGUeIMotE/T-3P42d7awI/AAAAAAAAHNc/6BR_xZtODKY/s400/Affordable+Care+Act.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b><i>Q. Will I be able to keep my physician? </i></b></span><span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">No. But you will be provided the option of autographed and framed photographs from George Clooney, Doogie Howser, Marcus Welby, Dr. Dre, or Doc Severinsen, depending on your personal preferences.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b><i>Q. Will my insurance be portable? </i></b></span><span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Yes, it will be portable, potable, solid state, Y2K compliant, water resistant, unscented, nonrefundable, biodegradable, and pesticide-free. Batteries not included.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><i><b>Q. How will we pay for health care reform? </b></i></span><span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Mostly through car washes, bake sales, taxes on marijuana and Orange Crush, and selling gold from the teeth of the elderly. We might sell the State of Arizona, since it is not used that much.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b><i>Q. Is the so-called “public option” a good idea? </i></b></span><span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Yes. A government-run health-insurance program would be more affordable, portable, reliable, fair, and secure than its private-sector counterparts. Thus, there is no way that Republicans would ever support it. <i>Yes we can?</i> No they can't.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><i><b>Q. What would a public option look like? </b></i></span><span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">More or less like an upside Toyota Tundra would look like after it fell from the sky and landed in the middle of the Acadian Waste Disposal booth at the Jambalaya Festival in Gonzales, Louisiana during an active hurricane. Or Mardi Gras.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b><i>Q. Will people with pre-existing conditions be covered under the new plan? </i></b></span><span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Yes. Let's take Michael Jackson as an example. He had pre-existing mental health problems, emotional problems, dermatological problems, and a lost-nose problem. Under the new health care program, we would, um ... okay, let’s not take Michael Jackson as an example.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><i><b>Q. Will health care be rationed? </b></i></span><span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">You bet. The Health Care Ration Board will employ the “Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe” protocol, considered a Best Practice in many countries. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b><i>Q. How will the Death Panel work? </i></b></span><span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">The members will assemble in silence at dusk each workday. After putting on the hooded Death Panel Garments and greeting each other with the secret handshake, they will light a candle and read aloud the names of citizens who are within 30 days of turning 75 years of age and thus selected for termination. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b><i>Q. Will the new system include end of life counseling? </i></b></span><span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Yes. Medicare will provide an end of life counselor, typically an unlicensed and out of work social worker, to have a little chit-chat with you about living wills, Death Panels, and such things. It’ll be fun. Free balloons and ice cream. Every Friday: Luau Night.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b><i>Q. Why does President Obama hate the elderly and the poor? </i></b></span><span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> President Obama does not hate the elderly or the poor. You are thinking of Glenn Beck at Fox News. Or that other guy at Fox News. Or all of them.</span><br />
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<i style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b>Q. What about medical marijuana?</b></i><span style="background-color: #141414; color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> Good question. Thanks for asking. Wow, look at that! This potato chip kind of looks like Billy Tauzin. No, hold it the other way. Isn't that cool? His eyes follow you no matter where you walk. Wow. Bonus. What were you asking, man?</span><br />
<br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-46201115420540569902012-04-18T17:34:00.000-04:002012-04-19T17:26:19.300-04:00Odd, Unusual, and Improbable Suggestions for Mitt Romney Vice President Picks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ClFwNDTblu8/T48y1swhZ3I/AAAAAAAAHGs/Dx_83d0CNoo/s1600/romney4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br />
<img border="0" height="270" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ClFwNDTblu8/T48y1swhZ3I/AAAAAAAAHGs/Dx_83d0CNoo/s400/romney4.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<b><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Allen West: For the Folks Who Actually Think That Democrats are Communists.</span></span></b><br />
<span id="internal-source-marker_0.7691545740235597"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rick Santorum: To entice the Fear-of-Gays-and Birth Control voting bloc.</span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Glenn Beck: To nail down the Apocalyptic-Conspiracy-Fear-Race-Baiting voting bloc.</span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Keith Olbermann and Eliot Spitzer (Co-VPs): To confuse and annoy some people.</span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rush Limbaugh: To attract the Disinformation-Anti-woman-Hate bloc.</span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Michelle Bachmann: To get the Obama-is-a-Secret-Muslim Birther vote bloc. Oh shut up.</span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Newt Gingrich: To court the Anti-Child-Labor Law Lover and Pro-Torture voter bloc.</span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tim Pawlenty: For the Home School-Intelligent Design-Enhanced Interrogation bloc.</span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rick Perry: To get the Pro-Sonogram-Death Penalty-Pro-Guantanamo Bay bloc. Yay!</span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Buddy Roemer: For the Pro-Medical Marijuana Pre-Born Civil Rights voter bloc.</span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Donald Trump: To get the Legalize & Tax Drugs and Pro-Universal Health Care vote.</span></span></span><br />
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</span></span></b>Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-68285862086302480232012-03-21T15:11:00.005-04:002012-03-21T16:03:52.662-04:00Your Handy Guide to the Republican Presidental Candidate Position on a few Key Issues<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-M-Glc0TF5n4/T2obM6TNK0I/AAAAAAAAHGk/jMgYXywHTB8/s1600/Republicans.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="183" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-M-Glc0TF5n4/T2obM6TNK0I/AAAAAAAAHGk/jMgYXywHTB8/s320/Republicans.png" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Family Values</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Romney—</b>With the same lady since 1969. But she’s in it for the money.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Paul—</b>Dude, he has been with the same lady since 1957. But kinda racist in a grandfatherly sort of way. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Santorum—</b>He’s probably married or something because he has seven kids. Way homophobic.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Gingrich—</b>Let’s see now. He married his high school teacher (he was 19 and she was 26—discuss); while married, he had an affair with and then married Marianne Ginther; while married, he had an 6-year affair with and then married Callista Bisek (23 years difference-discuss). Whoops, we forgot about another affair between wives 1 and 2.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Torture</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Romney—</b>Not sure if waterboarding is torture. “Get back to you later.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Paul—</b>Against it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Santorum—</b>Believes the lie that torture has been “proven to be successful.” Also big fan of Opus Dei, a controversial right-wing organization that promotes self-flagellation and corporal mortification. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Gingrich—</b>Kind of into it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Same-Sex Marriage</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Romney—</b>Tells Fox News he supports constitutional amendment. Tells gays “I’m all in.” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Paul—“</b>If gay people want the same headaches and as straight married people, good grief, let em have it!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Santorum—</b>Compares homosexuality with bestiality, child molestation, and incest, and not in a good way. Also believes same-sex marriage would usher in the Apocalypse. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Gingrich—</b>Would send his openly lesbian half-sister Candace to Guantanamo Bay. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Birth Control</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Romney—</b>Glad that Gingrich uses contraception. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Paul—</b>Has prescribed contraceptives. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Santorum—</b>Believes contraception is the leading danger to the country. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Gingrich—“</b>Are you kidding me? If I didn’t use a rubber, you know how many kids I would have today?” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Immigration</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Romney—</b>Pro-fence. Now anti-amnesty but was previously for “path to citizenship.” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Paul—</b>Anti-fence. Would place Michelle Bachman at border. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Santorum—</b>Would deputize and move all 311 On The Border franchises to the actual border. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Gingrich—</b>Ridiculous call for “100 percent control” of the Mexican border. Good luck with that.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>China</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Romney—</b>Says “China is a currency manipulator” but he likes Kung Pao Chicken.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Paul—</b>Advocates “peaceful engagement” and Peking Duck.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Santorum—</b>Wants to avoid trade war and likes Hot and Sour Soup.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Gingrich—</b>Build "Double Fence," beef up US military in Australia “just in case” and only eats American.</span></div><span style="color: white; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"><br clear="all" style="mso-special-character: line-break; page-break-before: always;" /> </span>Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-90791285450823731432011-12-03T14:49:00.000-05:002011-12-03T14:49:37.615-05:00A Few Other Things Being Suspended at the Herman and Gloria Cain Household<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FP8xHKkTFpA/Ttp9DBEUPII/AAAAAAAAHEo/U7bHQDu-YB0/s1600/1203-herman-cain-tmz2-bn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="174" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FP8xHKkTFpA/Ttp9DBEUPII/AAAAAAAAHEo/U7bHQDu-YB0/s320/1203-herman-cain-tmz2-bn.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Not going to sleep mad</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The use of pet names</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Herman's Hotmail account</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">That Groupon for the Inside CNN Studio Tour for Two</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The Atlanta Federal Credit Union joint checking account</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Peace and quiet</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Conjugal visits </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">That trip to Aruba</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Dinner conversation</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Dinner </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">That other cell phone</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The Netflix three disks at a time subscription</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">WomenForCain.com </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Christmas</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span>Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-29251193983419864042011-12-02T12:36:00.001-05:002012-08-31T14:11:42.338-04:00A Few Things Flying Through the Room While Mr. and Mrs. Cain Discuss his 13-Year "Friendship" with and Payments to Ginger White<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UZPXiw291io/TtkK3Dj4Q0I/AAAAAAAAHEg/jN_I_lZB8Sg/s1600/cainandwife.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="154" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UZPXiw291io/TtkK3Dj4Q0I/AAAAAAAAHEg/jN_I_lZB8Sg/s320/cainandwife.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">A half-empty bottle of Chateau Lafite Rothschild Pauillac 1996</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">One Sergio Rossi Platform Pump from Nordstrom</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Their entire set of Cece Winans albums</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">All copies of his book <i>My Journey to the White House</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Several pots. Numerous pans.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Many Atlanta Braves tickets</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">The entire Oneida Satin Garnet 65-Piece Flatware Set Service for 12</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">An autographed photo of Sean Hannity</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Looks that could kill</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Several cell phones</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">That photo of their 43rd wedding anniversary taken earlier this year</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">A plaque from WomenForCain.com</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">A piece of the quartz countertop from Atlanta Kitchen, Inc.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span>Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-63293400522407159362011-11-29T19:39:00.003-05:002011-11-29T19:46:06.559-05:00Herman Cain’s Logic Model for Lies and Deceit Regarding Sexual Harassment, Affairs, and Such<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LGkxu5BYQV8/TtV8QG2aZNI/AAAAAAAAHAg/VknOLmhLJ4w/s1600/hermancain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LGkxu5BYQV8/TtV8QG2aZNI/AAAAAAAAHAg/VknOLmhLJ4w/s320/hermancain.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: small;">Step 1: Issue Absolute Denial About Sexual Harassment</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">Example: I have never sexually harassed anyone. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Step 2: Issue Absolute Denial About Affairs</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">Example: The accusations are not true. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">Example: It was just a friendship relationship. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Step 3: Issue Impossible and Implausible Denial</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">Example: I have never acted inappropriately with anyone. Period.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Step 4: Become a Victim Yourself!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">Example: I am falsely accused.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Step 5: Blame the Media for Your Sexual Harassment</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">Example: It’s a liberal media conspiracy [for releasing report].</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Step 6: Blame the Ladies for Your Sexual Harassment</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">Example: She is a troubled woman.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">Example: She was out of work and destitute, desperate.</span></i><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>Example: They are all lying.</i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Step 7: Blame Vague but Sinister Forces</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">Example: [I blame] factions that are trying to destroy me [i.e., Rick Perry].</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Step 8: Blame Imaginary but Malevolent Entity</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">Example: The Democratic Machine is making false accusations.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Step 9: Issue False but Cute Falsehood</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">Example: Most of my supporters have stayed on the Cain train.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Step 10: Inject Unnecessary and Confusing Race/Racism Comment</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">Example: African-Americans have been brainwashed….</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div>Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2190123700253310827.post-54375279149513742092011-11-29T13:15:00.000-05:002011-11-29T13:15:37.958-05:00A Few Other Things That Herman Cain Might Be Reassessing Right About Now<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-x-Z7Dp7olJQ/TtUfBTDTIJI/AAAAAAAAHAY/8MXgqzUUUFs/s1600/cain-herman_sweat-brow-handkerchief-hankie_04.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="279" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-x-Z7Dp7olJQ/TtUfBTDTIJI/AAAAAAAAHAY/8MXgqzUUUFs/s320/cain-herman_sweat-brow-handkerchief-hankie_04.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Waking up this morning</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Advice he received from Clarence Thomas</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Mixing Ambien with Southern Comfort whiskey</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">That stuff he told his wife this morning</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Texting at 4:26 a.m.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">His understanding of the phrase "sexual harassment" </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">A tattoo with the phrase "Tiger"</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">That thing he did with that lady for 13 years </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">That whole running for President thing</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">His use of the phrase "false allegations"</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Why all those ladies are so mad at him</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Politics</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">What's next for Herman Cain </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span>Lies&Deceithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17279684941230758197noreply@blogger.com0