Herman Cain’s Logic Model for Lies and Deceit Regarding Sexual Harassment, Affairs, and Such

Step 1: Issue Absolute Denial About Sexual Harassment

Example: I have never sexually harassed anyone.

Step 2: Issue Absolute Denial About Affairs

Example: The accusations are not true. 

Example: It was just a friendship relationship.

Step 3: Issue Impossible and Implausible Denial

Example: I have never acted inappropriately with anyone. Period.

Step 4: Become a Victim Yourself!

Example: I am falsely accused.

Step 5: Blame the Media for Your Sexual Harassment

Example: It’s a liberal media conspiracy [for releasing report].

Step 6: Blame the Ladies for Your Sexual Harassment

Example: She is a troubled woman.

Example: She was out of work and destitute, desperate.
Example: They are all lying.

Step 7: Blame Vague but Sinister Forces

Example: [I blame] factions that are trying to destroy me [i.e., Rick Perry].

Step 8: Blame Imaginary but Malevolent Entity

Example: The Democratic Machine is making false accusations.

Step 9: Issue False but Cute Falsehood

Example: Most of my supporters have stayed on the Cain train.

Step 10: Inject Unnecessary and Confusing Race/Racism Comment

Example: African-Americans have been brainwashed….

A Few Other Things That Herman Cain Might Be Reassessing Right About Now

Waking up this morning
Advice he received from Clarence Thomas
Mixing Ambien with Southern Comfort whiskey
That stuff he told his wife this morning
Texting at 4:26 a.m.
His understanding of the phrase "sexual harassment"
A tattoo with the phrase "Tiger"
That thing he did with that lady for 13 years
That whole running for President thing
His use of the phrase "false allegations"
Why all those ladies are so mad at him
Politics
What's next for Herman Cain

Some Other Things That Herman Cain Suddenly Just Remembered

Clarence Thomas told me that this might happen.

Oh yeah. Now I remember doing that thing with that lady that time.

I remember drinking heavily and then allegations. No connection.

I remember the tattoo but not why I got it or who "Hazel" is. 

I don't remember what I did, but I remember that I didn't do it.

I remember the Titans.

I remembered to get the milk but not the dry cleaning.

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not. --- Mark Twain