More Things Tiger Woods Should Apologize For

Using my putter to make an urgent point during rush hour
For not keeping my head down and my left arm straight
Trying to hit on the sex addiction treatment counselor
Going through the 10-Items Or Less Line with 12 items
That thing I said to that lady the other day. My bad.
Not giving Accenture a heads up about my massive infidelities
Being a total Sarah Silverman freak
Making fun of Carrie Prejean (but it's so easy!)
For mixing up the names of all my mistresses
For losing my mojo
Taking advice from Charlie Sheen 
Not hooking up with the ladies from the LPGA
For not being a Saints Fan when it mattered
Being kind of into that Octomom lady
For naming my son Charlie Axel
For getting caught

Afghanistan Surge: Curious, Unusual, and Confusing Programs, Issues, and Promises

Iraqi shoe-thrower to throw the first shoe as the surge begins

Countrywide "Camels for Clunkers Program" begins

Surge largely paid for by sponsors Pepsi, KFC, and Toyota

Tiger Woods to lead tank and mechanized infantry battalion

The entire surge to be carbon neutral

Uninvited Visits by Tareq and Michaele Salahi

Sri Lankan Army force surges from 10 to 15 troops

Netflix pop-up ads to be banned in Afghanistan

Tourism Department: free hookah pipes for the first 100 post-war visitors

Taliban to be warned about Santa's Naughty or Nice List

New reality TV show: Is That My Goat?

Tea Bag protesters invited to Afghanistan to find something real to protest

Dick Cheney to say something horribly ridiculous every couple of weeks

Turns out that some of those Taliban caves are pretty cool

Bush to mount massive "My Bad" campaign

War to be decided by arm wrestling contest with Secretaries of State from the US, Afghanistan, Pakistan, and the Governor of Louisiana