Lies About the Author

About the Author
The Author was born on the Mississippi River ferryboat West Baton Rouge to a woman who was—up to that point—unaware of her looming pregnancy. Following an incident between his parents and the toll-collector about the need for an additional fare regarding the newborn infant, he was raised on the Cinclair sugarcane plantation in Southern Louisiana.
 
Education, Such as it Was
He was educated by the Sisters of the Perpetually Indignant in Port Allen, Louisiana, and later by quiche-and-white wine Jesuits at the University of San Francisco. Following a series of rather sad legal, spiritual, financial, criminal justice, and personal setbacks, the author was extradited to Maryland, the State formerly governed by Spiro T. Agnew.

Day Job
The author currently works as a Federal Government contractor in the Washington, D.C. area as a condition of his offender work-release program. Assuming time off for good behavior—such as an eagerness for late–night proposal writing—he may be released as in the near future. He is known to live his life in accordance to the motto, Carpe per Diem.

The Author as Writer
A prolific but dreary and uninspired writer, the author has had articles rejected by some of the most prestigious medical and public health journals in the country: The Journal of Cynical and Insulting Psychiatry, The Journal of Psychoactive Stuff Found on the Side of the Road, The American Journal of Inefficient and Insufficient Psychotherapy, and the Journal of the American Board of Unlicensed Social Workers. His writing style has been described as an extremely intense whirlwind of dysfunction, frenzy, confusion, and despair. 

Personal Life 
A freelance creation scientist, Capricorn, and cub scout den leader, the author does not yet have a Wikipedia entry, a tragic issue that causes him great concern, much rumination, and frequent bouts with insomnia. He is notably long-winded and boorish. He has poor posture, refuses to floss, and has just a hint of a comb-over. The years have not been kind to him or those around him. He lives in the Washington DC area with his extremely cute and long-suffering wife, super sweet son, and their dog Gaddafi.