For not keeping my head down and my left arm straight
Trying to hit on the sex addiction treatment counselor
Going through the 10-Items Or Less Line with 12 items
That thing I said to that lady the other day. My bad.
Not giving Accenture a heads up about my massive infidelities
Being a total Sarah Silverman freak
Making fun of Carrie Prejean (but it's so easy!)
For mixing up the names of all my mistresses
For losing my mojo
Taking advice from Charlie Sheen
Not hooking up with the ladies from the LPGA
For not being a Saints Fan when it mattered
Being kind of into that Octomom lady
For naming my son Charlie Axel
For getting caught
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