Wednesday, November 18, 2009

People And Groups For Whom Priority For Obtaining the H1N1 Vaccine Has Not Yet Been Determined

Industrial steampunk Goth Girls > 40 years old
Single adult men who still live in their mom's basement
Primary caregivers of more than 10 gerbils
Fareed Zakaria
Conspiracy theorists
People who sweat too much
Drama queens
People who pick their nose at work
Men with unicorn tattoos
Road kill removers
Emo bands 
Amateur creation scientists
Yuppie scum
People who call suicide prevention just for fun
People who stuff their pets
People who claim to be saved but lie, cheat, and backstab
Portable toilet cleaners
People with armpit tattoos
Mall Santas
Sarah Palin

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Things Overheard While Waiting in Line for the H1N1 Flu Vaccine

"I don't want the H1N1 vaccine. I just like hanging out in line."

"Across the street, they got H1N1 vaccine mixed with ecstasy (MDMA). It's trippy."

"This is a line for the flu vaccine? Darn. I thought it was a line for the new Michael Jackson film."

"Kinda feels like we're at Disney World. But more needles and less rides."

"Say man, you want some H1N1 vaccine that’ll knock your socks off?"

"I got some bird flu vaccine from a few years ago. I think it's still good."

"Is this the line for 10 items or less?"

"I guess the iPhone doesn’t have an app for that."

"Is this the line for people who have completed Form H1N1 for their visa application?"

"Hey, is that Michelle Obama?"

"That’s so H1N1."

"I don't know nothing about no queue. This here is a line, bro."