Thursday, December 10, 2009

Odd and Unusual Perks That Accompany the Nobel Peace Prize

Cool Nobel Bling 
Three-month free trial of Netflix
Gnarly Nobel Peace Prize tribal tattoo
2007 Toyota Yaris
Get star named after you
Can go to the front of the line at Disneyworld
All expense paid weekend package at Kandahar Hilton
Lunch with the King of Norway (Norway has a King?)
Honorary Degree from Strayer University Online
Can keep frequent-flyer miles for trip to Norway
Fareed Zakaria’s cell phone number
Gets to jam with Eazy-E, Dr. Dre, and Ice-Cube
Lifetime all you can eat Chick-fil-A Chick-n-Strips
New email account (
Advanced viewing of Law & Order: Norway
$1 off Pillsbury Toaster Strudel Coupon
Photo on Wheaties cereal box
Rides with Santa in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade
Becomes King of the Krew of Comus at Mardi Gras
Private audience with Lady Gaga
Nobel Peace Prize Grillz
Cameo appearance in upcoming Nicolas Cage movie
Free Ambien
An "I Won the Peace Prize" T-shirt

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Afghanistan Surge: Curious, Unusual, and Confusing Programs, Issues, and Promises

Iraqi shoe-thrower to throw the first shoe as the surge begins

Countrywide "Camels for Clunkers Program" begins

Surge largely paid for by sponsors Pepsi, KFC, and Toyota

Tiger Woods to lead tank and mechanized infantry battalion

The entire surge to be carbon neutral

Uninvited Visits by Tareq and Michaele Salahi

Sri Lankan Army force surges from 10 to 15 troops

Netflix pop-up ads to be banned in Afghanistan

Tourism Department: free hookah pipes for the first 100 post-war visitors

Taliban to be warned about Santa's Naughty or Nice List

New reality TV show: Is That My Goat?

Tea Bag protesters invited to Afghanistan to find something real to protest

Dick Cheney to say something horribly ridiculous every couple of weeks

Turns out that some of those Taliban caves are pretty cool

Bush to mount massive "My Bad" campaign

War to be decided by arm wrestling contest with Secretaries of State from the US, Afghanistan, Pakistan, and the Governor of Louisiana