Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Implausible, Unrealistic, Untrue, and/or Imaginary Retirement Plans for Pope Benedict XVI


Recurring Downton Abbey role as the ghost of the 6th Earl of Grantham

Manage a Papal-themed food truck: Pontificiae Victus Carrus
Become Acting Head coach for the New Orleans Saints
Flying to US to fix that fiscal cliff thing and meet Rihanna (Papal Crush!)
Celebrity Survivor Austria
Using that Groupon for that Carnival Cruise trip of a lifetime
Teach Zumba and water aerobics at the local YMCA in Rome
Finally get around to upgrading that kitchen
An antiquing road trip in an Souped-up RV withDanica Patrick
Hooking up with on Cheryl Burke on Dancing With the Stars
V Festival, Bonnaroo, Coachella, Lollapalooza, SXSW with “Molly

Spending time with the grandkids
Puttering around the house and catching up on Modern Family
Manage the Pope’s Cupcake & Coffee House in Milan
Touring with Led Zeppelin Reunion Tour as Replacement Drummer
Work on my moves
Finding out what 50 Shades of Grey is all about
Part time school bus driver and crossing guard
Going to Disneyland! (Paris) with the boyz

Assistant manager at local Nandos Peri Peri

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Odd, Unusual, False, and Imaginary Reasons why the Electricity Went Out During the Superbowl


Saving electricity for Mardi Gras
Excessive power needed to remove Beyonce's Spanx
So 49er quarterback Colin Kaepernick could get another tattoo
King Richard III kind of angry finding self buried in parking lot
PBS turned it off so people would watch Downton Abbey
Louisiana Voodoo, Curses, and Gris-Gris
Beyonce flashed the Illuminati Sign signaling New World Order
To give the 49ers something to think about
New Orleans just ran out of electricity 
Saints Coach Sean Payton Gets Payback After Suspension
So CBS could run a few more commercials
So Oreo could tweet the instant ad: You can still dunk in the dark
Some nonesense about substations and wires