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Showing posts from March, 2012

Your Handy Guide to the Republican Presidental Candidate Position on a few Key Issues

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Family Values Romney— With the same lady since 1969. But she’s in it for the money. Paul— Dude, he has been with the same lady since 1957. But kinda racist in a grandfatherly sort of way. Santorum— He’s probably married or something because he has seven kids. Way homophobic. Gingrich— Let’s see now. He married his high school teacher (he was 19 and she was 26—discuss); while married, he had an affair with and then married Marianne Ginther; while married, he had an 6-year affair with and then married Callista Bisek (23 years difference-discuss). Whoops, we forgot about another affair between wives 1 and 2. Torture Romney— Not sure if waterboarding is torture. “Get back to you later.” Paul— Against it. Santorum— Believes the lie that torture has been “proven to be successful.” Also big fan of Opus Dei, a controversial right-wing organization that promotes self-flagellation and corporal mortification. Gingrich— Kind of into it. Same-Sex Marriage Romney— Tells Fox News he supports cons