Notices and Other Lies

Unnecessary and Unusual Editorial Conventions
Tormented as he was by a relentless parade of edgy vituperative Catholic nuns during his youth (the haunting continues) the author was compelled to employ a ceaseless, painstaking, and excruciating editorial effort to use language that upholds the dignity, honor, and presumed resplendence of all of the peoples of the world—except perhaps nuns themselves; and perhaps “creation science” aficionados, and quite a few Republicans.

In this publication, the author used language free from prejudice, bias, adverbs, and initial caps. A desperately fierce effort was taken to use language inoffensive to every imaginable group, subgroup, virtual group, coven, entity, population, and even Government Officials. Nevertheless, things happened.

No matter how preposterous, selfserving, or mystical, the author warmly embraces every conceivable precept, philosophy, and perspective of every imaginable group in relation to age, gender, sexual orientation (if any), ethnicity, culture, intelligence, race, color, creed, height, weight, physical malady, psychiatric infirmary, social class, lack of class, odor, ardor, psychic talents, hair density, sexual prowess, or any and all physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, and psychic strengths, weaknesses, or curiosities. The author loves you all, unless that it is perceived as offensive by you, in which case he lukewarmly tolerates you—if that is okay.

Avoiding a human-centric bias, the author celebrates the richness of the world’s biodiversity and seeks to avoid offending all plants, animals, insects, fungi, microbes, and even as yet unborn and unclassified organisms of every kingdom, phylum, division, class, order, family, genus, and species. We are the world. We are the children. Whatever.

To avoid bias toward the living, except when to do so constitutes a public health hazard, the author embraces the dead, the pre-dead, people wishing they were dead, and people who believe they are dying but are really suffering from hypochondriasis, although they are hard to embrace because they have this germ thing going on. The author embraces you spiritually, mentally, or metaphorically. 
To avoid gender-related biases, this publication will use the editorially iniquitous term s/he to refer to both males and females. Individuals of indeterminate or unusual gender as well as children will be referred to as it.