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Showing posts from 2010

Shocking Wikileaks Revelations

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Mercurial Libyan ruler Muammar Qaddafi feels splendid and posh wearing Channel haute couture while watching Eddie Izzard in concert. Iran’s Mahmoud Ahmadinejad craves polyester, believes that Wikipedia caused 9/11, and desperately wants to meet Justin Bieber and "ask him to stop it." U.S. Secretary of State Clinton told leaders of Israel and the PLO to “Just hug it out.” It turns out that Kazakhstan is an actual country with a capital city, its own language, a government, a military, a currency, roads, hookers, and something called the Baikonur Cosmodrome. U.N. Secretary Ban Ki-moon reveals that he actually prefers the new aggressive pat-down searches at the airport. He sometimes pats himself down. Harshly. Robert Mugabe, President of Zimbabwe is corrupt, repressive, and dictatorial. But he can’t miss an episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos. Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi sexcapades, womanizing, booze and drug parties, and bunga-bunga party games have bee

Jesus Tries Hard to Teach the Multitudes, Again

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The Parable of the Sower And again Jesus began to teach by the sea. A great multitude had gathered, so He hopped into a boat and sat in it on the sea, looking very wise and nautical. Although many in the multitude were not the brightest lights in the house, He tried to teach them using parables, and said to them: “Listen! Behold, a sower went out to sow." Someone in the multitude interrupted Him and said, "Hey mate, is that s-e-w or s-o-w? It's a bit loud back here." The crowd awkwardly stirred. Jesus repeated Himself and more loudly said, "Behold, a sower went out to sow (s-o-w). Can you hear me now?" And He continued the parable: "As he sowed, some seed fell by the wayside; and the birds of the air came and devoured it." "Say, Brother, what kind of seed are we talking about? And are they special birds or just any old birds?" Jesus said, "It doesn't matter. It's a parable, dude. Just try to keep up." A

24: Saving the World with Dialup, AOL, & Dot Matrix Printers

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor .

BP Oil Spill Theme Park Rides and Games

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The Blowout Preventer—Hang on for dear life and try to work a series of valves and try to seal an oil well! Whoops, look out for the robots and falling oil rigs! It’s a Tower of Doom! The Top Kill—It takes a Top Gun to ride some heavy drilling fluid down into a live oil well! See if you can shut down the well! Bet you can’t! It’s a gusher! Cap that Well!—Little engineers will love trying to place a “containment device” over a live gushing oil well a mile below the sea! Hey, don’t knock it off! Skimmers and Sharks—See how much oily water you can collect using your own boat. But watch out for the sharks! They are oily and mad. Saw and Cap—Use actual underwater robots to saw broken pipe and place a “containment device” over the spewing oil! It’s cold down there! Junk Shot Blast!—Hey kids, try to plug up a well using golf balls, pieces of tires, and whatever you can find! The more junk you shoot, the more points you make! Fun with Chemical Dispersants—Try your hand at “dispersing” 5

Why the Al and Tipper Gore Split Seems Boring

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Lacks an Eliot Spitzer prostitution ring  No John Edwards adultery + chemo thang Lacks Heather Mills temper tantrums  That whole Gulf of Mexico thing Global warming: lost that loving feeling? Lacks the James McGreevey "whoops I'm gay" thing Gore marriage more believable than Clinton "marriage" Lacks the Mel Gibson anti-semitic rants  Makes Iran-Contra affair seem like a real affair Lacks Governor Mark Sanford's whining No divorce by Twitter ala Jim Carrey Lacks the bizarre touches of a Mike Tyson No A-Rod affair with Madonna Lacks the obvious adultery of Rudy Giuliani Just to ask: What was Lisa Marie thinking? Lacks the Whitney Houston-Bobby Brown drama

Bad Places for Bring Your Kid to Work Day

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Anywhere in Syria Joe's Meth Lab Cleanup Services Malleswaram Leprosarium,India 75th Ranger Regiment Mississippi State Penitentiary Circuit City and CompUSA Hamad's A1 Suicide Bomb Training School   The Piercing Pagoda Plan B Strip Club, Juarez Pete's Port-O-Potty Cleaners DC Crime Scene Cleanup, Inc. Darfur Refugee Camp The Knife Outlet and Ammo Shop 37th Avenue Crack House Anchorage Fish Processing Plant The Cha Cha Cha Funeral Home United States Senate JFK Air Traffic Control Tower Mel's Medical Waste Biohazard Plant Perdue Poultry Farm Kill Room Hazmat SCUBA Diving Division The Vatican Sanjay's Rodent Extermination Company Toyota Quality Assurance Division

More Things Tiger Woods Should Apologize For

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Using my putter to make an urgent point during rush hour For not keeping my head down and my left arm straight Trying to hit on the sex addiction treatment counselor Going through the 10-Items Or Less Line with 12 items That thing I said to that lady the other day. My bad. Not giving Accenture a heads up about my massive infidelities Being a total Sarah Silverman freak Making fun of Carrie Prejean (but it's so easy!) For mixing up the names of all my mistresses For losing my mojo Taking advice from Charlie Sheen  Not hooking up with the ladies from the LPGA For not being a Saints Fan when it mattered Being kind of into that Octomom lady For naming my son Charlie Axel For getting caught

Who Dat? New Orleans Saints' Secret Weapons for Superbowl XLIV

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The awesome power of Who Dat Nation Community Coffee + Beignets = better than Gatorade Saturday afternoon Mass does not interfere with pregame activities Brittany Brees hotter than Ashley Manning We got Voodoo and Marie Laveau All dem French Quarter Novenas to St. Jude  Buddy D. bought a dress! The Manning Meter has run out Brees' mole on right cheek blocks fear The amazing healing powers of Boudin The Benson Boogie It's change we can believe in Hot air from James Carville reduces wind resistance The late Sister Mary Celestine All Saint's Day Bobby Hebert did the Stanky Leg Mojo: Colt's defensive end Dwight Freeney right ankle ligament Laissez le bon temps rouler all over dem Colts! Colt's team bus still looking for Joe Robbie Stadium New Orleans Saints Stand Up and Get Crunk! That whole Katrina thing ( What doesn't kill you makes you stronger ) The Buddy D. Parade in the French Quarter Retired Archbishop Phillip M. Hannan, Saints Fan Garrett Hartle

Hypothetical Activities by 80-Year-Old Jimi Hendrix If He Were Still Alive

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Investment Manager, Stone Free Hedge Fund Still despondent over cancellation of ER and Arrested Development Losing to grandkids on Wii Mario Kart Recurring role on Law and Order as Seymour "Puffy" Stockton  Vice President, Guitar Hero Division, MTV Networks Frustrated Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor for Sly Stone and Rip Torn Rogaine hair loss product spokesman Motivational speaker for the Dude, Don't Drop Out! program Touring with Weezer and Blink-182 Not worried about that whole Fiscal Cliff thang Undersecretary of Agriculture for Weed and Weed Sustainability Recovering from hip replacement surgery Arguing with contractor about renovation delays for Electric Lady Studios Kicking back a cold one with both Bill and George Clinton   Cashing his Social Security Check Still ignoring Beck's "friend" request on Facebook Watching reruns of Modern Family and My Name is Earl Professor Emeritus, Museum Studies, Cornell University Chair of the AA

John Edwards, Baby Daddy: More Admissions, Apologies, and Acknowledgments

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I admit that I fathered a child with third-rate actress and fourth-rate videographer Rielle Hunter out of wedlock and lied about it for the past two years. I'm a baby daddy. I acknowledge that my mistress is more attractive than Bill Clinton's and Newt Gingrich's mistresses (way) and less attractive than Eliot Spitzer's, David Vitter's, and John Ensign's mistresses. But she's in the ballpark. I admit that I never did any bathroom action like Larry Craig and Mark Foley. John don't go there. Remember, Baby Daddy, Baby Daddy. I like the ladies. I admit that I wish that I had dreamed up the idea to go to North Korea to free those gorgeous hostage babes. Damn Clinton. I admit that I like to feel pretty. And I love to condition and volumize my hair. I admit that I went to the Million Mom March to meet the ladies. You should try it. I admit that I check and update my Facebook page more than a grown man should. And by the way, I nearly joi