Friday, June 25, 2010

BP Oil Spill Theme Park Rides and Games

The Blowout Preventer—Hang on for dear life and try to work a series of valves and try to seal an oil well! Whoops, look out for the robots and falling oil rigs! It’s a Tower of Doom!

The Top Kill—It takes a Top Gun to ride some heavy drilling fluid down into a live oil well! See if you can shut down the well! Bet you can’t! It’s a gusher!

Cap that Well!—Little engineers will love trying to place a “containment device” over a live gushing oil well a mile below the sea! Hey, don’t knock it off!

Skimmers and Sharks—See how much oily water you can collect using your own boat. But watch out for the sharks! They are oily and mad.

Saw and Cap—Use actual underwater robots to saw broken pipe and place a “containment device” over the spewing oil! It’s cold down there!

Junk Shot Blast!—Hey kids, try to plug up a well using golf balls, pieces of tires, and whatever you can find! The more junk you shoot, the more points you make!

Fun with Chemical Dispersants—Try your hand at “dispersing” 50,000 barrels of oil per day. It’s harder than you think!

Undersea Plume—Hang on for some slick fun as you ride an undersea plume made out of real oil! Hi Mr. Shark! Next stop: Pensacola Beach!

Controlled Burns—Grab some booms, lasso some oil, and set that ocean on fire! The more smoke you make the more points you get. Don’t get burned!

The Great Relief Well Race—Race your buddies to drill a well that will intercept the oil flow, but remember it is 17,000 feet below the sea floor!

Boom, Boom, Boom!—Create your own plastic or cloth flotation device and try to stop surface oil slick from coming inland! Just try. Hey, we need more pom-poms and hair over here!

Tar Balls!—See how many tar balls you can collect in your bucket! Be careful, it’s sticky! Points off if you step on one.

The Hurricane!—Uh oh a hurricane is coming! You have five exciting days to remove your containment device, let that oil flow freely, evade a hurricane, and return to start all over!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Why the Al and Tipper Gore Split Seems Boring

Lacks an Eliot Spitzer prostitution ring 
No John Edwards adultery + chemo thang
Lacks Heather Mills temper tantrums 
That whole Gulf of Mexico thing
Global warming: lost that loving feeling?
Lacks the James McGreevey "whoops I'm gay" thing
Gore marriage more believable than Clinton "marriage"
Lacks the Mel Gibson anti-semitic rants 
Makes Iran-Contra affair seem like a real affair
Lacks Governor Mark Sanford's whining
No divorce by Twitter ala Jim Carrey
Lacks the bizarre touches of a Mike Tyson
No A-Rod affair with Madonna
Lacks the obvious adultery of Rudy Giuliani
Just to ask: What was Lisa Marie thinking?
Lacks the Whitney Houston-Bobby Brown drama