Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Odd, Unusual, and Imaginary Groupon Deals

Half off for last year’s flu vaccine
$100 Borders gift certificate
$300 for a week-long George W. Bush Wilderness Adventure Camp
$150 to tell your wife that yes, that outfit does makes her look fat
$7 for somebody to taste that green stuff for you at that Indian place
$30 for a half-hour in a hot tub with Donald Rumsfeld
Half off for an official Donald Trump comb-over lesson
Half off for all-expense-paid one-week vacation in Tripoli, Libya
$20 to to tell your neighbor to take their garbage can from the curb
Half off history lessons by Michele Bachmann and Sara Palin
$35 to sit at table next to Huma Abedin and Anthony Weiner arguing
$7 for seven cases of Gluten Free Cheddar Cheese Curls
$40 for avocado facial treatment at the new Dick Cheney Spa!
Half off (!) for transgender reassignment surgery
$45 to watch Glenn Beck and Michelle Malkin mud wrestle Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert while Charlie Sheen becomes intensely intoxicated and looks for "my tilapia," Tim Pawlenty gently cries, David Petraeus referees, and Newt Gingrich solves the budget crisis. Ten percent goes to the Red Cross.