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Showing posts from August, 2012

Mitt Romney's Republican Convention Speech: Highlights, Bloopers and Deleted Scenes

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Mitt's Moving Personal Story-- Hatched on the double planet Xenu-Ventolin in the Galactic Confederacy and raised by members of the Cromolyn and Theophylline tribes, the being we call Mitt fell from the sky to downtown Salt Lake City and became fully realized as an individualized expression of the cosmic life force. After a spell, he took a temp job as a beat poet and quickly  became a way hugely successful management consultant and part-time elementary school softball coach. Married a human female and begat. The rest you know. If not, try Wikipedia. It's All Obama's Fault-- Hurricane Isaac, Trance Music, The Jersey Shore, Rising Gas Prices, Homeopathy, Smooth Jazz, Pope Benedict XIV, Global Warming, Taxing the Superrich, Snooki & JWoww, and Geraldo Rivera. It just has to stop. Big Ideas-- Create an Interstate Highway System, Land a Man on Mars, Whoops, Hurry up and Get that Guy on Mars to Come Home--it's hot it's cold, what kind of place is this?, Get out o

2012 Republican Convention Schedule

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4:00 PM - Opening Prayers by Ted Haggard and Gary Busey 4:05 PM - Unintelligible Opening Rant by Ted Nugent 4:10 PM - Hologram Speech by Charlton Heston on Gun Love 4:15 PM - Cranky John McCain Accidentally Finds Podium. Lectures it. 4:30 PM - Kid Rock Speech on Rock, Roll, and Republicants 4:45 PM - Dick Cheney on "Driving From the Back Seat" 5:00 PM - Hermain Cain Speaks but Words Understood Only By Him 5:15 PM - Michelle Bachman Talk: My Husband is What? Say Again? 5:30 PM - Sarah Palin Arm Wrestles Michelle Malkin 5:45 PM - Emotional Video of the Mitt Romney's 11 Homes 6:00 PM - Dinner: Condoleezza Rice Cajun Style 6:15 PM - Herman Cain Explains What He Meant the Other Day 6:30 PM - 15 Minutes with Jeb Bush Weeping Uncontrollably 6:45 PM - How to be Against Big Government Except When You're not 7:00 PM - How to Hate the Government But Want to Work There 7:15 PM - Lecture: When Truth is Just Not Enough 7:30 PM - Restroom Break with Larry Craig 7:45 PM - Lec