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U.S. Federal Government Shutdowns: More FAQs Than Really Necessary

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Your Federal Government increasingly operates under “continuing appropriations resolutions.” These temporarily fund government programs and activities that have already been authorized. If another appropriations act is not signed into law on or before the end date—either a continuing resolution or a regular appropriation bill—Federal Government operations will shut down and Federal Government employees will be furloughed. There will be wailing and gnashing of teeth. No more Panda Cam. The following Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) provide answers to key issues related to Federal Government shutdowns, furloughs, and of course, zombies. How will I know if the Federal Government is Shut Down? Oh you’ll know. At the Precise Moment of Work Stoppage (PMOWS), the United States Navy’s Blue Angels will conduct a wicked crazy air show over Washington DC and a few other cities. Oh, you’ll know. It’ll be loud and scary. Like dinner time at the Assad’s in Damascus. The Blue

False, Untrue, Fictitious, Improbable, and Implausible Names of Saints and the Things About Which They are Apparently Patrons

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Saint Ambien—patron saint of sleep-eating Saint Fareed the Zakaria—patron saint of truthiness Saint Yves Saint Laurent-patron saint of le parfum et les cosmétiques Saint Zoloft of Celexa—patron saint of vapors and melancholia  Saint Remulon—patron saint of robots Saint Arabica—patron saint of coffee, coffee beans, and coffee houses Saint Scopalamine of Benadryl — patron saint of impending seasickness Saint Flöardfull—patron saint of people putting Ikea things together Saint Sinus the Deviated—patron saint of allergic rhinitis  Saint Deus ex Machina—patron saint of frustrated screenwriters Saint Groupón—patron saint now 40% off Saint Gingrich of Newt—patron saint of Bezerkistan Saint Yaris of Slough-upon-Avon—patron saint of F1 Karting Saint Alzheimer—patron saint of uh, wait, um, hold on, I know this Saint Paxil the Dizzy—patron saint of Legoland rides Saint Cruise of Travolta—patron saint of Dianetics and Diabetics Saint Wiener of Brooklyn—patron saint of selfies 

Implausible, Unrealistic, Untrue, and/or Imaginary Retirement Plans for Pope Benedict XVI

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Recurring Downton Abbey role as the ghost of the 6th Earl of Grantham Manage a Papal-themed food truck : Pontificiae Victus Carrus Become Acting Head coach for the New Orleans Saints Flying to US to fix that fiscal cliff thing and meet Rihanna ( Papal Crush! ) Celebrity Survivor Austria Using that Groupon for that Carnival Cruise trip of a lifetime Teach Zumba and water aerobics at the local YMCA in Rome Finally get around to upgrading that kitchen An antiquing road trip in an Souped-up RV with Danica Patrick Hooking up with on Cheryl Burke on Dancing With the Stars V Festival, Bonnaroo, Coachella, Lollapalooza, SXSW with “ Molly ” Spending time with the grandkids Puttering around the house and catching up on Modern Family Manage the Pope’s Cupcake & Coffee Hous e in Milan Touring with Led Zeppelin Reunion Tour as Replacement Drummer Work on my moves Finding out what 50 Shades of Grey is all about Part time school bus driver and crossing guard Going to Disneyland! (Pari

Odd, Unusual, False, and Imaginary Reasons why the Electricity Went Out During the Superbowl

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Saving electricity for  Mardi Gras Excessive power needed to remove   Beyonce's Spanx So  49er quarterback Colin Kaepernick could get another   tattoo King  Richard III kind of angry finding self  buried in parking lot PBS  turned it off so people would watch   Downton Abbey Louisiana  Voodoo , Curses , and  Gris-Gris Beyonce  flashed the Illuminati Sign signaling New World Order To give the 49ers something to think about New Orleans just ran out of electricity  Saints Coach Sean Payton Gets Payback After Suspension So CBS could run a few more commercials So Oreo could tweet the instant ad: You can still dunk in the dark Some nonesense about  substations and wires

Mim's Handy Guide to the Odd and Unusual 2013 US Presidential Inauguration Schedule Events and Balls

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07:30 The First Response® Wiccan Prayer to the Moon , Sun, and Jumbotrons 08:00 Breakfast and Parade of  Washington DC Food and Cupcake Trucks 09:00 Wake up with Jimmy Eat World and Rage Against the Machine 09:45 The General Atomics Predator Drone Surveillance Photograph Swarm 09:50 National Salute to the Jumbotron Information Technology Specialists  09:55 Moment of Silence by Insane Clown Posse , Mel Gibson, and Jody Foster 10:00 Silence Broken by all-girl Led Zeppelin Cover Band Lez Zeppelin 10:40 National Moment of Reflection About Hippies in the Reflection Pool 10:45 The Bud Light 2013 Presidential Inauguration Air Guitar Competition  11:00 Yahoo Presents Commander Cody and the Lost Planet Airmen 11:45 The Viagra UFC Octagon Cage Mixed Martial Arts Competition 11:50 The Vice President Biden Poetry Slam and Yo Momma Insult Competition 12:00 Ben’s Chili Bowl Chili Eating Competition and Half-Smoke Smoke-Off 12:30 Lunch (on your own) Food Trucks! 12:45 Doritos 2013