Thursday, January 21, 2010

John Edwards, Baby Daddy: More Admissions, Apologies, and Acknowledgments

I admit that I fathered a child with third-rate actress and fourth-rate videographer Rielle Hunter out of wedlock and lied about it for the past two years. I'm a baby daddy.

I acknowledge that my mistress is more attractive than Bill Clinton's and Newt Gingrich's mistresses (way) and less attractive than Eliot Spitzer's, David Vitter's, and John Ensign's mistresses. But she's in the ballpark.

I admit that I never did any bathroom action like Larry Craig and Mark Foley. John don't go there. Remember, Baby Daddy, Baby Daddy. I like the ladies.

I admit that I wish that I had dreamed up the idea to go to North Korea to free those gorgeous hostage babes. Damn Clinton.

I admit that I like to feel pretty. And I love to condition and volumize my hair.

I admit that I went to the Million Mom March to meet the ladies. You should try it.

I admit that I check and update my Facebook page more than a grown man should. And by the way, I nearly joined the Facebook group, "I Also Slept With John Edwards" by accident.

I acknowledge that I wanted to be Vice President mostly because it has the word "Vice" in it.

I admit I can't believe I got away with this kind of stuff for so many years. Woo hoo.