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Showing posts from July, 2009

Taliban Rules and Regulations: 2009 Update

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Cell Phones. We've gone over this before. Please use disposable, untraceable cell phones. No Skype, Paktel, or Verizon. Cell Phones Part Two. Please use the family and friends plan. Use your rollover minutes. Also, place phones on vibrate in presence of Mullah Omar. You don't want to see him annoyed. Weapons. Mujahideen should not take weapons from others by force. Use motivational enhancement techniques (Miller and DiClemente, 1995) to strongly encourage subjects to voluntarily hand over his or her weapons. Drugs. Do not use drugs. But if you use drugs, do not use needles. But if you use needles, clean them with bleach. Clean your works. Discretion. What happens in Kabul stays in Kabul. Beards. A male who has not yet grown a beard may not stay in a common sleeping area with other men. A woman who has grown a beard should stay in a special area with other women who have somehow grown a beard. Smoking. Smoking tobacco is not permitted except in special smoking are

Unfortunate Names for a Planned Community Near Williamsburg, Virginia or Columbia, Maryland, or Both

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Al-Qaeda Acres The Slums of Biltmore Guantanamo Manor Caucasian Commons Colonic Colony Taliban Trace Rabid Run Harper's Whores Saudi KingsMill Madrassa Villages Suicide Crossings Bin-Laden Manor Hookers' Hollow Pigeon-Drop Meadows Unpleasant Creek White Folk's Luck Bitches Brook Syphilitic Villages Placenta Pastures Pandemic Flu West Crack Whore Commons Weak Stream King's Spews Savage Mill * Neverland

Things That Could Go Wrong At A Michael Jackson Memorial at Neverland Ranch

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Elizabeth Taylor confuses Michael Jackson's ornate gold and glass casket for a piano bar and orders a scotch and tonic from a clearly-deceased Michael Jackson who is dressed in a heavily sequined faux military/marching band uniform by Kate Spade. Due to poor communication, several buses accidentally bring people to Opryland rather than Neverland. One of them is Kate Spade. A highly intoxicated South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford makes a crude sexual pass at 78-year-old mother of Michael, Katherine Jackson, which surprises and delights her but annoys Tito. Husband Joe Jackson confused so beats up somebody's kid. Sarah Palin shows up. Janet Jackson has another wardrobe malfunction that is even more unappealing and frightening than her Superbowl wardrobe malfunction. Angry crowds scream "Put that thing away, Janet!" Pedophiles cower in fear. Wolf Blitzer accidentally stumbles into the Peter Pan/Amnesia Room at Neverland Ranch and walks out with a smile but little else.