Lies, Deceit, and Stuff

Not going to sleep mad The use of pet names Herman's Hotmail account That Groupon for the Inside CNN Studio Tour for Two The Atlanta Federal Credit Union joint checking account Peace and quiet Conjugal visits That trip to Aruba Dinner conversation Dinner  That other cell phone The Netflix three disks at a time subscription WomenForCain.com Christmas

A half-empty bottle of Chateau Lafite Rothschild Pauillac 1996 One Sergio Rossi Platform Pump from Nordstrom Their entire set of Cece Winans albums All copies of his book My Journey to the White House Several pots. Numerous pans. Many Atlanta Braves tickets The entire Oneida Satin Garnet 65-Piece Flatware Set Service for 12 An autographed photo of Sean Hannity Looks that could kill Several cell phones That photo of their 43rd wedding anniversary taken earlier this year A plaque from WomenForCain.com A piece of the quartz countertop from Atlanta Kitchen, Inc.

Step 1: Issue Absolute Denial About Sexual Harassment Example: I have never sexually harassed anyone. Step 2: Issue Absolute Denial About Affairs Example: The accusations are not true.  Example: It was just a friendship relationship. Step 3: Issue Impossible and Implausible Denial Example: I have never acted inappropriately with anyone. Period. Step 4: Become a Victim Yourself! Example: I am falsely accused. Step 5: Blame the Media for Your Sexual Harassment Example: It’s a liberal media conspiracy [for releasing report]. Step 6: Blame the Ladies for Your Sexual Harassment Example: She is a troubled woman. Example: She was out of work and destitute, desperate. Example: They are all lying. Step 7: Blame Vague but Sinister Forces Example: [I blame] factions that are trying to destroy me [i.e., Rick Perry]. Step 8: Blame Imaginary but Malevolent Entity Example: The Democratic Machine is making false accusations. Step 9: Issue False but Cute Falsehood Example: Most of my supporter

Waking up this morning Advice he received from Clarence Thomas Mixing Ambien with Southern Comfort whiskey That stuff he told his wife this morning Texting at 4:26 a.m. His understanding of the phrase "sexual harassment" A tattoo with the phrase "Tiger" That thing he did with that lady for 13 years That whole running for President thing His use of the phrase "false allegations" Why all those ladies are so mad at him Politics What's next for Herman Cain

Clarence Thomas told me that this might happen. Oh yeah. Now I remember doing that thing with that lady that time. I remember drinking heavily and then allegations. No connection. I remember the tattoo but not why I got it or who "Hazel" is.   I don't remember what I did, but I remember that I didn't do it. I remember the Titans. I remembered to get the milk but not the dry cleaning. When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not. --- Mark Twain

Most Mormons believe that Oprah Winfrey is awesome. Many Mormons believe that Yoko Ono broke up the Beatles. All Mormons believe that this video from OK Go is ridiculously amazing. Mormons tend to believe that marriage is pretty darn important. Mormons generally believe that the 2011 Porsche 911 Cabriolet is a sweet ride. Most Mormons think that Drone Predator virus thing needs to be attended to. Mormons largely believe that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. More Mormons trust/trusted Wilfred Brimley more than Glenn Beck. Mormons do not believe that an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Does not work. Most Mormons not San Diego Chargers’ fans adored 49er quarterback Steve Young. Several Mormons believe that Maroon 5 totally rocks. Many Mormons believe that the Osmond Brothers were better than the Allman Brothers.

Most

Most Mormons believe that Oprah Winfrey is awesome. Many Mormons believe that Yoko Ono broke up the Beatles. Mormons tend to believe that marriage is pretty darn important. Mormons generally believe that the 2011 Porsche 911 Cabriolet is a sweet ride. Most Mormons think that Drone Predator virus thing needs to be attended to. Mormons largely believe that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. More Mormons trust/trusted Wilfred Brimley more than Glenn Beck. Mormons do not believe that an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Does not work. Most Mormons not San Diego Chargers’ fans adored 49er quarterback Steve Young. Several Mormons believe that Maroon 5 totally rocks. Many Mormons believe that the Osmond Brothers were better than the Allman Brothers.

Most Mormons believe that Oprah Winfrey is awesome. Many Mormons believe that Yoko Ono broke up the Beatles. Mormons tend to believe that marriage is pretty darn important. Mormons generally believe that the 2011 Porsche 911 Cabriolet is a sweet ride. Most Mormons think that Drone Predator virus thing needs to be attended to. Mormons largely believe that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. More Mormons trust/trusted Wilfred Brimley more than Glenn Beck. Mormons do not believe that an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Does not work. Most Mormons not San Diego Chargers’ fans adored 49er quarterback Steve Young. Several Mormons believe that Maroon 5 totally rocks. Many Mormons believe that the Osmond Brothers were better than the Allman Brothers.

Half off for last year’s flu vaccine $100 Borders gift certificate $300 for a week-long George W. Bush Wilderness Adventure Camp $150 to tell your wife that yes, that outfit does makes her look fat $7 for somebody to taste that green stuff for you at that Indian place $ 30 for a half-hour in a hot tub with Donald Rumsfeld Half off for an official Donald Trump comb-over lesson Half off for all-expense-paid one-week vacation in Tripoli, Libya $20 to to tell your neighbor to take their garbage can from the curb Half off history lessons by Michele Bachmann and Sara Palin $35 to sit at table next to Huma Abedin and Anthony Weiner arguing $7 for seven cases of Gluten Free Cheddar Cheese Curls $40 for avocado facial treatment at the new Dick Cheney Spa! Half off (!) for transgender reassignment surgery   $45 to watch Glenn Beck and Michelle Malkin mud wrestle Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert while Charlie Sheen becomes intensely intoxicated and looks for "my tilapia," Tim Pawlenty ge

Introduction So. The United States faces the possibility of defaulting on its debts. That’s something that might happen in, oh let’s say, Haiti. And it’s kind of a big deal.  Your Congress and the White House struggle in vain to negotiate a deal that would prevent a default. Democrats and Republicans have repeatedly failed to agree on spending cuts. Not gonna happen. Meanwhile, Tea Party-sponsored lawmakers agree only that taxes are worse than immigrants, closing tax loopholes leads to heroin addiction, and Reagan would never do that, although he did exactly that um, about a dozen times. Oh, and it seems that nearly every bonehead on Capitol Hill is making his or her own debt proposal which don’t stand a chance in hell of doing anything except making underpaid staffers pull all-nighters and have to work on weekends. Thank you for your service, kids. Just the FAQs, Ma’am During these difficult and challenging times, persistent questions about what will happen next continue to swirl

Um, Rick. I did not issue a Divine Calling for you to run for the US President. If I make a Divine Calling, you'll know. Ask Anthony Weiner. Michelle Bachman's migrane headaches? Yeah. Now that's Me. Rick, stop invoking My name about natural disasters. They are: Natural disasters. Rick, about your hair: Cut, Cap, and Balance, dude. You wondered "Is Michelle Bachman's husband an anti-gay gay?" "Is Glenn Beck berzerk?" Duh. Tim Pawlenty should worry less about Bachman's migranes and more his upcoming anyeurism. Michelle Bachman: Hates Government Health Care and Gays but has Gay husband and Government Doctor. Neither Sean Hannity nor Bill O'Reilly will join Me in heaven. Brit Hume is a "Maybe." Pawlenty ripping Bachman's record of achievement is fun, right? Just say thanks. I see another bus in Sarah Palin's future. Even I don't understand why people who say Government is the problem want to get a job in the Go

Hi ladies! Can I just call you all all Ms. bin Laden? Or do you guys have a numbering system? So you are 3 of bin Laden’s 5 wives. What’s up with that? Nice burqa. Who are you wearing today? Say, nice place! Whose your decorator? I knew a Verna and Al Qaeda from Toronto. Any relation? So tell me, what’s HE REALLY like? Did he have cute pet names for you guys? Sorry to ask but what in the world were you thinking? So, which one of you is the cute wife? Finish sentence: The best part about being Ms. bin Laden is.... When they make the movie, who do you want to play you? Do you know John Edwards by any chance? So seriously, what in the world were you thinking? I always wondered, does Al Qaeda have an HR department? Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Sorry, trick question. So what's next for Ms. bin Laden? You go first. Finish sentence: If I had to do it all over again, I would.... Did you guys check out Lady Gaga's new album yet? 

Abbottabad House for Sale. Perfect for the fundamentalist extremist in the family, this spacious yet severely private complex sports a three-story home, a cozy guest cottage, and lots of room for the kids or goats to run around behind bomb-proof 15 foot high walls. Secluded and safe, this concrete block Arts and Crafts beauty can be a perfect hide-away or a cool summer home to help you escape the heat. Bring your hammer and saw because this lady is a fixer-upper! A handyman’s dream!   The Area. The bucolic city of Abbottabad is bounded at all four sides by the Sarban hills, from which you can see breathtaking views of the region and city. The Karakoram Highway, which runs through Abbottabad traces one of the paths of the ancient Silk Road, now called Highway N35. Abbottabad is home to the Pakistan Military Academy, so there’s that. There are complexes for cricket, hockey, squash, and militant training. The city provides easy access to the Tarbela Ghazi Air Base, used by the CIA f

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