Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Shocking Wikileaks Revelations

Mercurial Libyan ruler Muammar Qaddafi feels splendid and posh wearing Channel haute couture while watching Eddie Izzard in concert.

Iran’s Mahmoud Ahmadinejad craves polyester, believes that Wikipedia caused 9/11, and desperately wants to meet Justin Bieber and "ask him to stop it."

U.S. Secretary of State Clinton told leaders of Israel and the PLO to “Just hug it out.”

It turns out that Kazakhstan is an actual country with a capital city, its own language, a government, a military, a currency, roads, hookers, and something called the Baikonur Cosmodrome.

U.N. Secretary Ban Ki-moon reveals that he actually prefers the new aggressive pat-down searches at the airport. He sometimes pats himself down. Harshly.

Robert Mugabe, President of Zimbabwe is corrupt, repressive, and dictatorial. But he can’t miss an episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos.

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi sexcapades, womanizing, booze and drug parties, and bunga-bunga party games have been good for the escort girl business during these tough times.
  
German Chancellor Angela Merkel and Hillary Clinton: Same size 48 pant suit, sometimes switch suits during sleepovers, and think that David Cameron is "dreamy."

Hasni Mubarak has been to every Yanni concert in the past four years. Misses Gino Vannelli.
  
Prince Andrew (who is he anyway?) has his own Captain Kirk chair and likes to “fire rockets” to impress his guests. 

Kim Jong Un likes to take the ladies to the Yongbyon Nuclear Scientific Research Center and chat them up about fissile material and stuff while listening to Michael Jackson.

Osama bin Laden hates America but wow does he love www.bettycrocker.com and the recipe for potato au gratin. Add Portobello shrooms and broccoli. Also hates bedbugs, the kind they got in caves.

Prince Charles was really mad that he was not invited to Chelsea Clinton’s wedding. He bought a gift and everything.

Long before Wikileaks, Camilla Parker had her own problem with leaks, if you know what I mean.

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin has all the same tattoos as Snoop Dogg. And then some.

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