Monday, March 7, 2011

What Charlie Sheen Meant: Misquoting Lord Tennyson, a lot

Charlie Sheen meant well. He simply misquoted Alfred Lord Tennyson. A lot. But, things happen. Everything's different since 9/11. 

What Charlie said: “Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.
What he meant to say: “If I had a flower for every time I thought of you... I could walk through my garden forever.” 

What Charlie said: “You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like 'Dude, can’t handle it. Unplug this bastard.’”
What Charlie meant: “"Better not be at all than not be noble."

What Charlie said: “I’ve got tiger blood and Adonis DNA.
What Charlie meant: “Who are wise in love, love most, say least.”

What Charlie said: “I’m going to hang out with these two smoooooking hotties and fly privately around the world.
What Charlie meant: “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

What Charlie said: “Imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists.
What Charlie meant: “Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.”

What Charlie said: “It boils and it fuels you. It boils in a state that would eclipse a microwave.
What Charlie meant: “Theirs is not to reason why, theirs is but to do and die.”

What Charlie said: “I’m an F-18 bro.”
What Charlie meant: “I’m an F-18 bro.”

What Charlie said: “My success rate is 100 percent. Do the math.
What Charlie meant:  “A lie that is half-truth is the darkest of all lies.”

What Charlie said: “I have one speed. I have one gear. Go.
What Charlie meant: “To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”

What Charlie said: “Most of the time- and this includes naps- I’m an F-18.”
What Charlie meant: “Nor is it wiser to weep a true occasion lost, but trim our sails, and let old bygones be.”

What Charlie said: “I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen.
What Charlie meant: “I am a part of all that I have met.”

What Charlie said: “I was banging seven gram rocks and finishing them. Because that’s how I roll.
What Charlie meant: “I was banging seven gram rocks and finishing them. Because that’s how I roll.”

1 comment:

Christopher Weiss said...

You had me at F-18.
Count me among the inspired.