Tips for Becoming a Successful Recovering Celebrity Addict

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1. Become a celebrity (film, movies, music, porn).

2. Acquire wicked addiction (alcohol, drugs, porn).

3. Experience: (A) Compulsion, (B) Loss of control, (C) Continued use despite adverse consequences, and (D) Something about relapse.

4. Hit bottom (See B, C, and D above). Maybe bounce a bit.

5. Apologize. Renounce vice of choice. Create nonprofit and website. Replace publicist.

6. Do community service and blog about it. Or pay someone to make amends.

7. Do Letterman or Oprah. Or concert. Movie of the week.

8. Tell cute vignettes from recovery book.

9. Repeat as required.

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