Just a Few Questions Left Unanswered Following the Death of Michael Jackson

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Did Governor Mark Sanford totally catch a break when the press left his home to cover the funeral of the King of Pop?


What did Emmanuel Lewis see in Michael Jackson? What about Bubbles?


What was Lisa-Marie Presley thinking? Or what was she taking? What was that about? I never got that exactly.


What was Elizabeth Taylor thinking? What was she taking? Oh yeah, I remember now. But still.


Why did parents let their kids spend the night at Neverland Ranch? You do get the concept, right?


Why did he dangle his son over a balcony four stories high? No, really, why?


Why so many rhinopasty operations Michael? Was there ever going to be "good enough?" Was there anything left?


What really made Michael Jackson happy? Oh sorry, never mind. Scratch that one.


Under what conditions would Sheikh Abdullah invite Michael Jackson to live at the Persian Gulf Island of Bahrain? Michael Jackson in an Arab Islamic Kingdom? How did that work out?


How would a 70-year-old Michael Jackson look, with particular attention to the long-term effects of multiple plastic surgeries?


Was the recent exclusive in Effeminate Androgynous High Tenor Albino Celebrity Magazine really exclusive?


What was Wolf Blitzer thinking as he turned to yet another celebrity weirdo about their experience with the King of Pop? No seriously, what do you imagine he was thinking?


How will all those die-hard fans living in such complete denial go on with their lives? Who will they stalk next? I'm just saying.


What will happen to the alpacas?


What will happen to his kids?


How will this affect me?


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